Page 146 of Set Me On Fire

“Noah punched Dave in the break room,” he told me, but that wasn’t the entirety of this story. I just stared back blankly, waiting for all of the details to come out. “They had words. Do you know what about?”

“No.”

I answered honestly, but by the flex of Brent’s jaw, I got the feeling that this was the wrong answer.

“Well, I’ve sent Dave off to the doctors. Looks like Noah broke his nose.” He shook his head. “Kid’s got a wicked right hook, but that’s not the end of it, I’m afraid.” Brent leaned forward, and that had me stiffening. I’d had a good run, I thought, a couple of months into this job. Maybe I could use that on my resume as relevant experience to get me another office job. But who would be my reference? Not Brent, I was pretty sure. “Is there anything you wanted to tell me?”

“No.”

I said that much more firmly, sitting tall, because if I was going to get called out on my omissions, then I’d face that down head held high.

“Millie—”

He sounded like my dad when he had found out I’d done something wrong. I’m disappointed in you, that was the natural conclusion to this sentence, and yet it didn’t come. The door was wrenched open and one of the ancillary staff stuck their head in through the gap.

“Brent, there’s been an explosion at the fire site.”

“What?”

We were both on our feet, asking the exact same thing, but for different reasons.

“Some of the boys are en route to the hospital,” the guy said.

“Which guys?” Everyone stared at me, but I didn’t care. In some ways it was freeing to finally say this kind of thing out loud. “Which guys? Charlie? Noah? Knox?”

My tone gave me away completely, wavering as I said each one of their names. No one would be fooled going forward, because these were not the questions of a concerned colleague.

They were those of a lover.

“Are they OK?” I demanded answers in an angry bark. “Are they alright?”

“In the hospital,” the guy said with a shrug. “That’s all the details I’ve got.”

“I need to go.”

I don’t know who I was announcing that to, just that it was true. I pushed past the desk attendant and into the office, snatching up my bag before making for the door.

“Millie!” Brent shouted, but I didn’t care about what he had to say. “Millie!” I marched down the hallway, out of the station, and over to the car. It was only then that I saw that my handswere shaking. I tapped the button to unlock the car, missing the right one several times, as my eyes filled with tears.

They couldn’t be hurt. They couldn’t. I thought that furiously, as if that would make it true, despite knowing the facts. Firefighters lived a tough life, facing risks most of us wouldn’t survive. But they would, I thought furiously, sucking in one shuddering breath, willing myself to keep it the fuck together.You can lose it once you’re at the hospital, I told myself.Not now, not yet.

“Millie…” Brent appeared at my shoulder, a look of concern in his eyes, and he took in the state of me quickly. “You’re not fit to drive. I’ll take you.”

“Right.” I forced myself to nod. “Thank you.”

And so we piled into my car for the most tense, awkward car ride ever.

“Which one?”he asked me, easing us out onto the main road.

“Which one, what?” That came out far sharper than I intended. I flushed, and then shook my head. “Sorry, I?—”

“Who’s the father?” For a second, all I could do was stare at the side of his face. Brent was focussed on the road and the traffic for good reason, but when we were in the right lane, he shot me a sidelong look, his eyes trailing down. “I remember my Helen’s pregnancies like they happened yesterday. All the trips to the toilet, the nausea and the weird cravings.”

“You saw the pickled onion and cheese sandwiches?” I said weakly.

“Smelled them more like.” He wrinkled his nose and then dared to smile. “The tuna sandwiches were worse.”

“With chilli mayo and onion.” I slapped my hand down on my stomach as it began to rumble, but I didn’t feel hunger so much as a swirl of discomfort, followed by nausea. “But as toyour question, I don’t know.” I stared through the windscreen, unable to look at him. I didn’t want to see the judgement there. “The Christmas party got a little crazy.”

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