Page 114 of Set Me On Fire

He shot me a sidelong look, nodding for just a second before spinning around to face the kids, hands raised. I grabbed the drink from his hand, putting it onto a nearby table, lest he slop the lot on the floor, then off he went. I shook my head, unable to stop myself from smiling as the kids squealed. He stomped after them until they were out the door and had entered the playground outside. The other kids quickly caught on at the game, running and shrieking as he pretended to chase them.

“He’s so good with kids,” Belinda said when I sat down, looking my way. “He’ll make such a good dad some day.”

“I’m sure he’ll have no problems finding someone to settle down with,” I replied. I wanted to throw these bloodhounds off the scent.

“You mean the whole pretty-boy thing?” Judy sipped her drink. “Yeah, that brings all the girls to the yard. Doesn’t make ‘em stay though.”

“Who’re you calling pretty?”

Our eyes jerked up to see Blue standing there.

“Oh my god, you’re back home!”

Judy couldn’t get up quickly enough, but he scooped her up and into his arms.

“Of course. You have that scan thing.”

Her face screwed up into a pained expression.

“They had to move it up. I went in today. I didn’t bother telling you because I knew you were on the road.” You could hear the emotion in her voice as her words came out in a messy spill. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted to see the not-so-little beans.”

“Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t get back fast enough.”

I looked away then as the two of them shared an intimate moment, just in time to see more people had arrived. Henry, the guys’ team mate, had arrived with his wife in tow.

“The baby!”

Sally jumped up and rushed over to Henry’s wife, Kelly, hands outstretched.

“Want a hold?” Kelly seemed all too keen to hand the child over. “She’s a bit grizzly, aren’t you, Miss Tessa?”

I watched the two of them coo over the child, watching her little legs kick, listening to the grunts and felt… I don’t know what. A confusing mix of emotions? Tessa was cute. She had these big brown eyes that stared at everything, but with noexpression apart from those little grunts. It was hard to know how she was feeling. I felt similarly bewildered.That will be you one day, my mind insisted.You’ll have a little one just like that, but it didn’t compute. My arms shifted restlessly, as if I didn’t know what to do with them.

“Oh, you are so cute,” Belinda and Sally told the baby when Sally sat down. “Yes, you are. Yes, you are.”

“Goodness, look at you,” Kelly said to Judy. “You’re just about to pop.”

“Not soon enough.” Judy’s hands moved restively over her stomach. “So, can I have a cuddle?”

“As soon as Sally’s stopped fussing over her, she’s yours,” Kelly said, sinking into her seat with a sigh. “She’s been screaming on and off all day, so I’m about ready to give her to the first person that wants her.”

“Getting some practise in?” Sally moved around the table, very carefully passing the baby to Judy. “There you go. You’re a natural, Jude.”

My colleague beamed as she set the baby on her shoulder, patting the little girl’s bottom rhythmically.

And she was. I felt a vicious kind of jealousy in that moment. I wanted to be a natural mother too, even though I’d had no prior experience. I was the youngest in our extended family, all my cousins were born well before me, so there were no babies for me to practise with growing up. Tessa seemed like an alien creature, but Sally gave me a nudge.

“Feeling clucky?” Was that what I looked like? I blinked, unable to think of a response. “Babies do that to you, though I’m glad I’ve already had mine.” She nodded to Ava and Ryan outside. “Kids are amazing, but babies…” She sighed. “There’s something special about them.”

“Did you want to hold her?”

I stared at Kelly, aware of the honour she was granting me, but we’d barely spoken two words to each other. It felt like I should’ve earned this privilege or something. Instead, I found myself grinning back at her.

“Um… yeah, if that’s OK.”

“Ready to go to Auntie Millie?” Judy said in a soothing voice. “I bet you are. I bet you are.”

The child was passed around the circle at the table like we were playing pass the parcel, when it landed on me.

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