Page 85 of Set Me On Fire

But that’s not what Millie or her child was.

Noah had it right, the prick. When he asked her out, I’d just stared, dumbfounded. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I could do that. Put her first. It made perfect sense the minute he moved his lips, and that had me dragging my phone out of my pocket.

So how’re we gonna do this?I wrote in our group chat. I’d insisted we set up one for Millie and the three of us, but this was still just the guys-only channel.

Ten minutes, Charlie replied.Told ya.

My thumbs moved, wanting to demand what that meant, but instead, I deleted my question. Answers came quickly enough.

He wanted to bet on how long it’d take for you to step in and start organising things,Noah explained.I had five minutes.

My jaw tightened and I shook my head, bending down to throw the ball for Buster again, but when I turned back to my phone, I found myself smiling.

Someone has to. That’s what dads do.Mine hadn’t. He was a vague but terrifying presence at the beginning of my life, then nothing, but his lack of role modelling produced a vacuum inside me I had to fill myself.That’s what Millie needs us to do.

Which got my mind racing.

Was she taking prenatal vitamins? I wasn’t sure exactly what they did, but I would know before I went to bed tonight. She said she was going to see a doctor to get a blood test to confirm the pregnancy, but pregnant women had other doctors, right? When was she going to see one of them, and could I come to the appointment as well? Was she getting enough rest? Brent had her lugging those bloody boxes of uniforms around in her condition? He’d never do that to Judy, but… He didn’t know about Millie.

It all made sense now, and I couldn’t fault her logic. If she could win Judy’s old position permanently, she’d have a farmore secure job than working at that bloody pub. Be at work during school hours and bring in a consistent pay cheque along with paid annual leave, then be able to go home in time to pick her child up from after school care.

But she didn’t need to.

I looked at the yard, the bushes I’d planted, the flower beds I maintained without any real enthusiasm other than to make the place look nice, then back at the house. It was too big for one man, people had made comments about that, asking if I wanted a housemate or something, but I didn’t. I wanted a wife, a child, and if Millie moved in here, I could look after the both of them for as long as they needed.

My thumb hovered over the screen. Noah might’ve asked Millie out on a date, but what I wanted to ask was far deeper than that.Move in, I wanted to urge.Make one of the spare rooms yours if that’s what you need.

And the other one?

Buster dropped the ball at my feet again, making clear he wanted me to throw it, but I turned on my heel and marched back into the house. I didn’t like to disappoint him. He was a good dog and he needed the stimulation of the chase after I’d been at work all day, but instead of tossing it again, I came to stand in the doorway of the junk room. Fishing gear and discarded gym equipment cluttered the smaller of the rooms, dumped there for me to sort out some day.

Today was that day.

I went inside, picking up my tackle box, ready to take it out to the shed. I didn’t want a single thing cluttering the room that would become the baby’s nursery. Instead of crap everywhere, I saw walls painted in muted colours, cute little decals stuck over them for the baby to stare at. A white painted crib, maybe one I’d built myself, a mobile spinning lazily above it. A change table and stack of nappies beside it, then I turned towards the cornerwhere my surfboard was stashed. A rocking chair with plush cushions was set up there. It wasn't the furniture I focussed on, but her.

Millie, bathed in a soft light, turning her light brown hair to gold. Millie, cooing at our child as she held them in her arms. She rocked back and forth gently as she sang a little song off key. They were safe and secure in here, had everything they needed at arm’s length.

Well, except one thing.

Was it Charlie, Noah, or me who stood beside her, watching the two of them so intently their eyes hurt, because they were afraid if they looked away, they’d miss it? One moment, one second, of the love that burned between mother and child.

And the love that raged in him.

How are we going to do this?I asked again, but I knew what would happen.

I wasn’t lead firefighter because I was better than the others, just more driven to organise everything. See the risks, assess which was the most critical, then develop a plan to deal with them, it's what I did every time we were faced with a challenge, and I’d do the same now. There was a whole lot of banter in the chat now, that had taken place while I was staring into my vision for the future.

You’ve no doubt got ideas, Noah said.Hit us with them.

Every single challenge we’ve faced at work, we’ve done so as a team, I wrote, feeling the weed of hope grow stronger in my chest. It started to unfurl, cautiously at first.

This is not a house fire that needs putting out, Charlie wrote.This is a baby.

Our baby.

I saw dots form and fade away, then more dots, more. I could almost hear the gears grinding as the two of them thought about what I was proposing.

Ours?I could almost hear the tension in Noah’s voice.

---