Page 132 of Set Me On Fire

He had me there. The lack of oversight, cheap, non-compliant materials and shoddy building practices had pretty much all the fire service steering away from new-build apartment blocks.

“If Millie moves in here, we can keep her safe. We can.” He stepped closer, staring into my eyes, willing me to understand.“I can even tolerate Head Job moving in if Millie does. That way there will always be someone with her, someone looking after her, keeping her safe, making sure she has everything she needs throughout the pregnancy.” His eyes slid sideways, staring blankly at the garden. “She won’t be scared, angry, alone, anything.”

But that’s not how it works, I wanted to tell him, otherwise I’d have moved in years ago. I’d have holed up in his spare room and never left. The world came for you no matter what you tried to do, and, despite yourself, it made you feel all of the breadth of emotions a human was capable of. But when my lips moved to try to get him to admit just that, his phone started ringing. He looked down at the screen and nodded, grinning for real now.

“They’re on their way.”

So it was showtime.

It felt like I was about to step out on stage. I’d been forced to do that at school during a drama performance. Just like then, my ears strained, trying to catch hints of ridicule, but instead, all I heard was the front door swinging open. Millie came forward, her face swathed in a t-shirt, her hands outstretched, prompting me to take them. Buster danced around, being a nuisance and Knox told him off, destroying any hint of mystery. Millie looked stunned, blinking owlishly as her blindfold was removed. My eyes traced the rise and fall of every wisp of hair as Knox started to talk way too fast.

About the reveal, about the surprise, as he led her down the hallway. I only heard a small snippet of any of it. My heart was beating way too hard, too fast, in my ears. Every muscle was tensed, ready to move, do something, but instead we had to step back and watch Millie stare at what we had done.

When the first tear formed in her eyes, I felt a surge of hope. Knox had it right, this was the way forward. For one perfect moment, I could see everything falling into place.

“We’ve got a proposal we want you to think about.”

Did she hear the slight shake in Knox’s voice? I think she did, the pleased smile fading like the sun. She blinked, reconsidering her surroundings, as if that proposal was hidden behind the collection of plush bunnies we’d set up on the chest of drawers.

“Move in.” It was all there, what he wanted, what we wanted, offered up on a platter, because if acts of service was my love language, it was Knox’s only one. Words he struggled with, just like he did now, his throat working, forcing him to take a big swig of his beer. “Move in here and we’ll look after you. Through the pregnancy and after the baby is born.” He blinked, then smiled. “Forever, if you’ll let us.”

I wanted her to say yes so damn much. My chest ached so fiercely with that need that my fingers raked across my sternum, only slightly surprised to feel muscle there rather than just skin and bone, but that’s not how shit worked. Good things seemed to just fall into some people’s laps, but me…?

“Move in?” Her head snapped back as if she’d been slapped. Her cheeks were red enough to make you think she had been. “Already?” A little snort of laughter escaped her, then when she smothered it, she looked around for support. Someone to confirm what she was thinking, and that wasn’t a yes. “I mean…” She shook her head and forged on with a slight frown. “We’ve gone on one date each.”

“Plenty of time for dates when you move in.” Knox was talking too fast, his tone too close to the one he used when he was barking out orders. “One of us will take you out every evening if that’s what you want.”

“No.” Jesus, I felt that like a punch to the chest. “I mean, yes, I do want that, but…” Her eyes were wide open and searching, staring at each one of us in turn, pleading for understanding. “But that comes first. You get to know each other, see if you’re compatible first.”

“Pretty sure we worked out how compatible we are last night,” Charlie said with a smirk.

I wanted to shout at him to shut the fuck up. How the hell was he missing this? Why didn’t Knox? Millie was spooked, whirling like a terrified horse and ready to bolt.

“Outside of the bedroom.” She flushed when she realised how sharply she’d said that. “I…” Her hands rose and fell helplessly. “This is all happening so fast. I only just got my head around the fact that I’m about to become a mother and now…”

“Millie…”

I moved closer, wanting this all to stop. I didn’t give a shit that my shoulders ached from the painting and the furniture construction. That was nothing compared to the pain she was feeling.

They were feeling.

Charlie looked like he was the one who had been hit this time, and Knox? I’d seen the man expose his soft underbelly precisely one time, and that was today. Right now, his mind was frantically re-constructing the walls he always hid behind.

“Just let me…”

Whatever she was asking for, the answer was yes, always yes, but it was then her phone rang. She looked at the screen, then winced before tapping it to answer.

“What?” Millie started to move, staring at the floor as she listened to the other person down the line. “Yes, I’m getting the drinks for tonight. No, I hadn’t forgotten. No…” She looked up at us. “They’re busy tonight. They’ve got work. OK, I’ll see you soon.” She ended the call and faced us down. “I need to go. My brothers and my best friend have their housewarming on tonight.”

“An event we are evidently invited to,” Knox said with a growl. I stared meaningfully at him, not wanting him to keeppushing her, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “We don’t have work today.”

“You don’t want to come to this party.” She said that so matter-of-factly. “It’s just my dumb family getting drunk and celebrating the fact that my brothers finally got Jamie to move in with them…” I watched her wince, smile ruefully, and shake her head. “And that’s the main reason why you don’t want to come. They took months to get her to say yes. Years, if you count how long they’ve been pining for her.”

Years then, I thought, maybe that’s how long it would take us to persuade her to become a family with us.

“I’ve gotta go,” she said finally. “This looks amazing, really, and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done.”

But not yet, not now, and maybe, not ever, that went unsaid.

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