Page 48 of The First Love Myth

“You can.”

Her touch sends relief through me. I’m not alone. Zoey is here. My mom is here. Even my dad. Whatever happens next, I am not alone.

Zoey pulls me to my feet. “Don’t worry, Liz. I got you.”

We sit with our backs to the bathtub, the test resting out of sight on the vanity. My hands shake, and my stomach threatens to betray me again. Zoey is silent next to me, her hand in mine, her eyes on the timer on her phone. In less than three minutes, that awful digital pee stick will change my life. Pregnant or Not Pregnant.

“Tell me something,” I say quietly.

She glances up, her face scrunched as she considers her options. “E is the most common letter and appears in eleven percent of all English words.”

“Why do you know that?”

She shrugs, her eyes back on the phone. “Dad and I used to do trivia.”

I stare at the ceiling, the only place I can’t see the timer or the test. Of course my dad and sister did trivia. I can one hundred percent see them duking it out and winning. “Tell me something that will make time move again.”

Zoey shifts next to me, and she squeezes my hand. “I kissed someone who wasn’t Andrew today.”

Thank god.Zoey needed that kiss more than anyone else in the entire world. Maybe now she can move on for real. I remember every firstafterkiss—John the summer after high school graduation, Lucas, and now Spencer. No matter what, Zoey will remember this boy and this kiss.

“It’s about time.”

“Thanks.”

“It was Max, right?”

She flushes a deep red, and that’s all the answer I need. It really is about time. She spends more time with Max than anyone. I’m not even sure she realizes it.

The timer dings, and we both straighten, our eyes going to the sink. I will myself to move, but I can’t. The shaking returns to my hands and works its way up my arms. I close my eyes. Never have I wanted to know and not know anything as much as in this moment. It’s like finding Sheila’s emails but a million times worse.

Zoey pulls me into a hug, but I feel her reaching for the test. She must know what it says, but she doesn’t react, only pulls my hands free and places the test in them.

I count to ten and then twenty. Zoey’s hands stay on mine. She breathes calm and steady, and slowly I match her breaths. Whatever the result, I will be fine. Whatever the result, I can do this. I open my eyes to a single word.

Chapter 39

Liz

Pregnant.

I’m pregnant. Finally. I stare at my reflection in the mirror. The woman looking back at me looks terrified and ecstatic all at once. Her stomach is as flat as it ever is, which isn’t very flat. She’s going to be a mom. I’m going to be a mom. If my math is right, from the last time Julian and I slept together, I’m between six and eight weeks. It’s hard to gauge since before that, I didn’t have my period for two months, but there was the negative test. I was sufficiently Not Pregnant before I decided to have farewell sex with my husband.

My doctor will confirm at my appointment, but I know. Know deep in my bones with every hour that has passed since the positive result. My whole body and all my senses are now tuned to the new life growing inside me. The baby that I wanted more than anything is here.

I put a hand over my stomach. “It’ll all be okay, peanut.”

Peanut. It came without a thought, but now that it’s out there, I can’t take it back. It’s the name I used last time before it all ended before it ever really began. But it made goodbye that much harder. I breathe deeply. I can do this. It will be fine. I’ll make it out of the first trimester. I’ll hear that wondrous, fast heartbeat, and all will be right in my world. But who is standing next to me? Julian? And if it is Julian, what does that mean for our marriage? For Spencer? Oh god, Spencer. He’s not thefather, and I can’t help but believe that’s a good thing because that would be too much. We’re so new. He’s handled all of my baggage, counterweighting it with his own, but there’s baggage, and then there’s an unplanned pregnancy with your not-quite-ex-husband. How am I going to tell him? Either of them?

“Liz?” Zoey pops her head into the room. “Cee is here.”

“I’ll be right there.”

“Does she know that Dad”—she mouths the word—“is coming?”

I shake my head. Please let this night not be a disaster. When I planned it in my head, it made sense. There would be an Evie buffer between my sister and our dad. Cecilia would’ve been pissed, but with Evie there... I’m not sure I have enough wine, and I can’t even drink it. “You know how she is.”

“True.” Zoey steps into the room and shuts the door behind her. “How are you feeling?”

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