Page 44 of The First Love Myth

“Bedroom’s last door on the right.”

I breathe him in and wrap myself tighter around him, if that’s possible. He smiles against my lips and carries me from the kitchen through the living room and into my bedroom. His mouth never leaves my body, moving from lips to ear to neck to breasts, until finally he lays me back on the bed.

I look up at him, this man who has shaken my whole world, and pull him down on top of me.

Orange streaks the sky as the sun starts its ascent into morning. I sit on the small balcony of my apartment with a steaming cup of coffee and a blanket covering my legs, even though the morning is already warm and sticky. I wasn’t able to sleep after Spencer left around midnight. My favorite pillow smelled like him. I loved it, but I also hated it. I changed the sheets, but then the bed felt cold and empty. Finally, I picked up my book—the same one Spencer found for me that first day—and decided to read until I fell asleep. Except I didn’t fall asleep, and then I finished my book. So coffee and the sunrise. Why not?

All these hours later, I can still smell Spencer on me, feel his touch, remember how I trembled as he pushed me over the edge. It was a perfect night. A more-than-once night, and if he didn’t have to leave because of some event with Ryan the next morning, we might never have stopped. I rub at my eyes with my free hand before leaning forward over my knees. I know what’s keeping me up, and it’s not doubt or worry about Spencer. We were good together, more than good. I haven’t had sex like that, well, ever. But I didn’t see Julian behind my eyes when Spencer trailed kisses down my spine, and when Spencer’s lips met the softest parts of me, I didn’t have to swallow Julian’s name. With each thrust, Spencer shattered the already-splintered glass holding me in place. I didn’t miss my husband for one moment of the entire night. I’m not undecided on my marriage. I’m in mourning.

Chapter 36

Zoey

“Tell me again.”

“Absolutely not.” I roll my eyes behind my sunglasses and switch positions on my towel. The last thing I need is a sunburn on top of everything else.

Despite all my whining about the tourists, I agreed to take Haley to the beach—on a weekend, no less. It’s crowded, but we snagged a spot nearish the water and away from anyone too obnoxious. Liz and Spencer decided to come as we were packing up the car. It’s been a fun day. Over twenty minutes ago, Liz dragged Spencer to the boardwalk for funnel cake, and they’ve yet to come back, providing Haley the perfect opportunity to bombard me with more questions about my almost kiss with Max. As if I didn’t spend all day yesterday overthinking it.

“Come on,” Haley whines from her supine position, “your former teacher slash new hot coworker told you that you were welcome in his bed anytime, and then tried to kiss you. If there is ever a time to dish.”

“It sounds like you have a full understanding of the situation.”

“But what if he had kissed you?”

“What if he had kissed me?” I repeat incredulously. “What do you mean? It’s not like we were going to strip our clothes off and have sex with six people in the next room.”

Haley grins. “Not without locking the door first.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Haley rolls onto her stomach and rests her head on her arms. If she stays like that too long, she’s going to have wicked tan lines. It would serve her right for being nosy. “Your sister, by the way, totally slept with that guy.”

Gross. It’s obvious, but still... gross. In the last two days, Liz is different. It’s like some wall came down and not one built this summer. She’s looser and louder and somehow brighter even with the sadness that still sometimes shadows her eyes. My sister is happy in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever seen before.

“Yes, thank you for telling me.Again.”

“I’m saying if your sister can get it on with that dude while still married—”

“They’re separated.”

“You can totally make out with your former teacher.”

“He wasn’t my teacher. Ever.”

“Semantics.”

“Not in the least.”

Haley’s head pops up, and I’m certain she’s glaring at me behind the designer sunglasses she paid far too much for on the boardwalk. “When you explained him to me, you literally said he was one of Andrew’s football coaches and taught geometry.”

Why am I cursed with a Big who remembers everything? Why? It’s easy to forget that Max isn’t my coworker at Ardena Heat but a coach and teacher at the high school. We almost never interacted at school. It took several texts with Becca and a look through my yearbook before I remembered he taught math. And Max only knew me by my association with Andrew and a mile time. Even now that we’re friends, our lives don’t overlap outside the track. We exist in this safe little bubble where nothing matters but what’s happening that day on the field. At least we did until the party.

What’s tomorrow going to be like? Back at work for the first time, that kiss hanging over us. Joe’s scowl burned into my memory. Max walking away. And Haley there to witness it all.

“Do you think people will care?” I clear my throat. “That he works at the high school?”

“Some people,” she says with a shrug, though her eyebrows pop up over her sunglasses. I guess my question is a declaration of sorts. A pretty big one considering Haley drove halfway across the country to help me grieve my cheating ex-boyfriend some more. “But it seems to me that you met pretty organically outside of school and over a year after graduation. And no one is going to believe anything less than kosher was going on while you were with Andrew. I mean, you two were...” Her face scrunches as she searches for the word. “Repulsivelyin love. Literally sometimes looking at the two of you made me want to vomit.”

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