Page 24 of The First Love Myth

We gather our things and walk outside. Liz pulls Evie into a big hug, and Evie promises to visit again soon. It’s heartwarming but also ridiculous. My sister is such a meddler.

Liz gives me a pointed look and then heads off toward the car to give Evie and me some privacy for our goodbye. Once my sister climbs into her car, I pull Evie into me. Our lips meet, and it feels like coming home. After a week in our hotel room, night after night cuddled together, nothing of our normal lives to interfere, I’m not ready to sleep on my own. I’ve been feeling like this all day. As if this goodbye might break me, even though we go days without each other back home. I spent the hour Evie went down to the fitness center to examine these feelings. I never examine feelings. I’ve never even wanted to. But I did. And the truth was plain. I don’t want to go back to a relationship defined by distance. I also don’t want to losemyself in Evie. Balance and patience are going to be key. I can’t change overnight. I’m still the same woman with the same hang-ups, and eventually something will pull me away. But, by acknowledging these realities, maybe I can mitigate the fallout.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave,” I say.

She kisses me lightly. “I know. I wish I could stay longer, but I can’t miss another week. My clients need me, and I have to prep for a placement trial.”

“You’re sogood.”

She meets my gaze with a quizzical look. I don’t blame her. I’m not usually effusive with my praise. “You okay, Cee?”

I nod and pull the key I had freshly minted this afternoon out of my pocket. I press it into her palm. “I hope you’ll use this when I get back.”

Evie wraps her fingers around the key without looking down at it. Her eyes are watery with tears. “Thank you. This means... a lot to me.”

I smile and don’t flinch away from the emotions playing across her expression. We both understand the enormity of my actions and the gesture I’m making with this gift. “I’m sorry it took me this long.”

Chapter 20

Zoey

“You have an overnight bag. Why do you have an overnight bag?” I ask, closing the door behind Becca. I don’t remember planning a sleepover, but then it’s been aweek. Which Becca knows, and it’s not like we need permission from our parents—or even each other—to crash. We’ve been sleeping at each other’s houses for over a decade.

“Oh.” Becca glances around for Dad, who isn’t here, and then leans in conspiratorially. She’s totally not spending the night. I’m about to be an alibi. “Ben’s parents are out of town for their anniversary. My mom doesn’t know, but you know how she is. I made like I was spending the night with you now that Liz is gone.”

Like I need a reminder that my sister officially moved across the state this morning, just as we were finally getting close. “So you’re sleeping at Ben’s tonight?”

Becca’s smirk extends into a full-on grin. “I don’t think there will be much sleeping.”

I stop in my tracks. With how Becca and Ben have been dancing around her virginity all summer, I honestly stopped thinking she was going to hand it over. But that smile...

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Last hours as a virgin!” Becca whispers the words as we plop down on my bed, like her mother can hear her across the houses. “Any advice?”

“Close your eyes and think of England?” I duck in time to avoid being hit in the face with a pillow. “Relax and try not to overthink it. Let it be what it’s going to be.”

“Can you not overthink losing your virginity?”

“You can try,” I say, hugging the pillow to my chest. “I built it up so much. You know, junior prom. Andrew and I were in love, and we had the whole Wildwood cottage to ourselves...”

Becca leans forward even though she knows every detail about that night. “You said it was perfect.”

I shrug. “Yeah, I mean, it was nice and meaningful. Our whole relationship shifted after that night. But when I think about Andrew, even when we were still together, I don’t usually think about that first time. There were so many more important moments. Maybe not as big as the first time, but I think that’s the point.”

She nods, but she’s already overthinking how not to overthink. She bites her bottom lip, and behind her glasses, her eyes are unfocused, her hands absently playing with the hem of her shirt. There’s no one quite like my bestie.

“Did you want to do something before the big night?” I ask in an attempt to bring her back to reality.

She shrugs. “It’s Friday night. Everyone’s going to Lola’s.”

Ah, Lola’s. I’ve meticulously avoided the café since getting home. A party here or there I can tolerate, but being forced into a tiny late-night coffee shop with small booths and even smaller minds is not my idea of a good time anymore. Not when all anyone wants to know about are Andrew and Claire and how I “let” that happen. Yeah. Because I totally suspected my best friend was going to fuck my boyfriend and let them hang out, regardless. Nothing like a small town to give you a complex. It’s no wonder I’m still sleeping with Andrew.

“We can go,” I say, hoping my voice sounds resolute. I’m tired of hiding, and it’s not helping anything. Plus,Ididn’tdo anything wrong. Andrew and Claire were awful to me, and yet I’m the one hiding while they party and go to Lola’s every weekend.

“We don’t have to, Zo.” She almost looks ashamed, but I’m not fooled. “I know it’s not your scene anymore.”

It was never Becca’s scene. Not until Ben happened over Christmas break. My whole high school career was a balancing act of hanging out with my varsity friends, including Claire, without hurting Becca’s feelings or making her feel left out, and now Becca’s the one staying behind to appease me. I will not allow it.

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