Page 74 of So Not My Type

This conversation was absolutely not going the way Ella planned, but they had to get it out. When Ella lifted from the seizure fog, she’d seen the scattered texts and few voice messages. But then there was a full stop. And yes, maybe Ella had told Sophie to back off, but she was not in her proper frame of mind, and Sophie should have realized that. Her dad said she stopped by, but that was a week ago. Work took precedence, and Ella wanted more. She needed more. “Why did you totally stop? Maybe I didn’t explain the post-seizure effects to the most detailed degree, but I did tell you I’m not myself.”

Sophie’s brows knitted together. “Are you serious?” She fiddled with the zipper on her sweatshirt. “Ella… I was working. We were down to the wire with the campaign. I was so busy. I don’t remember ever being that busy in my life. And, well, you weren’t there to help run things with me, so I had to pick up the slack.”

The tone was softer than the words, but they still landed with a punch. Ella had let down the team. And work was more important. “A few months ago, you told me you hadn’t had a relationship because you work too much. All these years you’ve put work first. Not yourself, not your relationships, and you did it again.” Ella reached out and touched Sophie’s arm. “You are worth more than your work.”

Sophie inhaled a sharp, shaky breath and put her head in her hands. She wasn’t crying, not that Ella saw, but Ella wanted to pull Sophie into her chest.

Sophie lifted her head. “I haven’t been in a relationship since high school. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong, or howto act.” Her shoulders sunk, and she watched the water below. “I’ve only been out of work for a few days, but it’s clear. I’m running myself down, and for what? Yes, I want to do a good job, of course. Yes, my work means a lot to me. But it’s not worth sacrificing everything else that’s important to me.”

Ella scooted closer.

“So… you really are okay? Your face…” Sophie lifted her hand then dropped it in her lap.

“This one scared me more than most.” Ella told Sophie everything from these last few weeks. After she saw Jasmine, and learned what happened, she was so angry and upset she couldn’t think. She took an Uber home and spent the rest of the afternoon crying, angry, and feeling deserted.

Everyone thought she was at the office, Thomas was with her mom, and the staff didn’t know she was home. “It was so eerie, so empty. My whole life I craved alone time. But then I got it, and everything was so dark and still.” She sipped on juice and dabbed the corner of her mouth with her thumb. “After I stopped crying and pulled myself from my room, I made my way downstairs. After that, it’s all blurry. My seizure triggered my watch alarm, which notified my parents, of course. I guess one of the staff found me, there was an ambulance, and then I was in the hospital.”

The moments surrounding a seizure were blips, like a dream where you grasp to piece the fragmented chunks of what happened, but the harder you try and remember, the more they slip away. “It was a lot of chaos because I smacked my face pretty good, and my parents were beside themselves.”

Sophie stroked the top of Ella’s hand. “I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how scary that was.”

Ella shrugged. “It was, of course, but it always is. I may have had a hundred of these in my life, but it’s scary every single time. It hadn’t happened for a long time, and I had this hope thatmaybe it would never happen again. I know that it’s rare that it would ever stop, but…” Ella played with Sophie’s fingertips. “Honestly, though, it’s not surprising it happened when it did.”

Sophie froze. “God, I’m so sorry. The whole situation with your ex? Did I cause this?”

“You didn’tcausethis, Sophie. Do not ever think that. I was born like this, but I’ll be honest. I was hiding things from myself, from you and my parents. I wasn’t sleeping enough. My diet went to shit. I mean, how much pizza did we consume these last few weeks? The hours working, the project, the campaign…”

For so long, Ella had been desperate to prove she could do the same things other people could do. That she’d hack it in the real world, without her golden parachute. “But also, I refuse to blame myself. Yes, these things could have exacerbated the seizure, but it’s also life, you know? I’ve also had seizures when I was painting, so…”

A gust of wind blew, and Sophie shivered. “Want to take a walk?”

Ella nodded and tentatively interlocked her fingers with Sophie’s. They strolled toward the atrium and pulled up to a cushy seat facing an indoor garden.

“I’m sorry I never told you what happens after a seizure. I should have warned you.” She slid closer to Sophie until she pressed against her. “But afterwards, I’m not myself. At all. It’s a different version of me. I used to hate it, but I accept that this is just part of me. Every person with epilepsy in the world has unique experiences, right, just like anything else. But I go to a really dark place. While my mind rewires, I’m angry, and depressed, and I don’t have the clarity I’d normally have.”

She took a breath thinking of how best to describe that darkness that filled her after a seizure, where the world turned dull, like she was watching a movie filmed in grayish tones.

The only reason she had enough gumption to send the graphics was because it took her mind off the Sophie-Jasmine situation. “I didn’t want to talk to you. I didn’t want to see you. But I should have explained that in the beginning of our relationship so you would have been prepared.”

Sophie licked at her lip ring. “And now? Do you want to talk and see me?”

Ella chortled through her nose. “You do realize that I’m halfway up the Pacific and spent all the money I’d saved, literally just to talk and see you.”

“Wait, what? Didn’t you end up just coming with the other team members?”

Ella flinched. “God, no. My dad was terrified someone would think he was playing favorites. My parents wouldn’t give me the money for this.”

A grimace flashed on Sophie’s face. “Shit, that was really expensive.”

“Sure was. But, you know, I’ve been saving up for months for a place of my own and now…” Ella waved her hand. Now she realized she had it pretty damn good. She lived in a restrictive home, but her parents loved her. And being alone when she had a seizure and the aftereffects shook her. “I’m kind of realizing maybe it’s not the worst thing to live with my parents still.”

“Oh yeah?”

“And do I really want to do my own laundry and dishes? Probably not.” Ella laughed and grazed her hand over Sophie’s.

Sophie shifted closer to Ella. “How do your parents feel about you going on this cruise unsupervised for a week? What if you hadn’t found me?”

“Unsupervised?” Ella lifted a brow. “Yeah, um, no. Thomas is here with me.”

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