Page 45 of So Not My Type

But Sophie didn’t respond, so Ella didn’t send any more, either. No way was she going to give off stalker vibes to the co-worker that she’d been hard crushing over for the past few weeks.

Ella swiped the canvas, adding a bold crimson to the golden sunrise. The brush slid across the fabric, and the bristles embedding into the canvas allowed her mind to rest. She workedanother hour, detailing the crests in the waves, touching up the shadowed images in the sand, and perfecting a cloud.

Normally painting put her in a spell, but her eyes kept flickering to the phone to see if she somehow missed a message. Finally, she gave up and tossed her brush into the water. She shoved her feet into slippers and bounced down the stairs in search of a snack.

Like a guard dog sniffing out a potential treat, her mom appeared from wherever the hell she was stationed. “Hey, honey.” A mild frown appeared. “You really should wear those bangs away from your face at night otherwise we’re going to break out like in high school.”

Whatever. Ella wanted to tell her mom that adding the word “we” to these types of statements did nothing to soften the blow from reminding her of her acne-ridden teenage years. She pulled open the fridge and grabbed a container of leftovers. “You heard from Dad?”

“Yes, his flight got delayed. Won’t be home until late.” Her mom popped open a yogurt lid and was uncharacteristically quiet. She inhaled and cocked her head at Ella.

Oh, no. Here it comes…

“So, Sophie.” She wiggled an eyebrow. “She seems nice.”

Nope.Ella was not having this conversation. Her mom would try to squeeze every single detail, then push for more. Five minutes in, she’d beg Ella to have a spa day and “dish” about the “cutie.” And her mother had a freakish level of intuitiveness, she would decode every syllable spewed from Ella’s mouth. No doubt she’d take one look and know something had shifted within Ella. Her mom would ask when Sophie had transitioned from a massive pain in her ass, to her co-worker, to someone she thought abouta lot. Ella would have to cover up the fact that Sophie had evolved from a mentor to someone she’d… straddled. God, Ella couldn’t believe she had been that bold. The freedomof being in the hot tub alone, her parents gone, the rain… something had taken over. And she’d loved it.

“Yes, she’s nice.” Ella bit into the tangy chopped salad and moved to the window. The landscaping lights illuminated the courtyard and paved a path to the water. She rarely took the time to enjoy the view, but today, the yard’s beauty clicked.

Her mom’s throat rolled with a swallow. “This is the first time you’ve brought someone over since Jasmine.”

“She’s notsomeone.” Such a lie, and Ella quickly shoved another bite in her mouth to deflect her words. Sophie was absolutely someone. “She’s just a co-worker. It’s not like I brought her over to…”To taste her mouth, sink in her lap, press my lips against her dewy skin.

“I think whatever you two are working on has certainly been the needed spring in your step.” Her mom scraped the spoon against the side of the yogurt cup. “You had us worried there. We haven’t really talked about what happened that night.”

Ella breathed out. Three months had passed sincethe incident, when she scared herself and her parents enough that her dad had no choice but to hire her. And yes, she regretted her behavior, but it had been the only way left to yield the desired result. Being at the office was everything she craved. It had started as a way to earn money for her own place, to free her from the shackles. But it morphed, becoming a place where she belonged, where she felt needed and included and worthy.

“I know I scared you guys.” She finished the last bite and rinsed her bowl.

The vision of that night flew through her mind. Snot-filled crying, ripping at her shirt collar, because everything suffocated her. She couldn’t take it anymore, she’d screamed. She couldn’t breathe. Even her hair drowned her. In a fit of desperation, she grabbed the kitchen scissors and cut off her waist-length braid, as her horrified parents shrieked. She’d only seen her dad scareda few times in her life, and that moment was one of them. He froze, helpless, as his daughter transformed. He faltered between coaxing, yelling, to nearly tackling her in order to rip the scissors from her hand.

Her actions that night were uncalled for, and shame burned into her chest reliving the moment. She knew she’d scared her parents, and that hadn’t been the intention. She simply had endured too much, and she needed them to listen. “I never apologized for what I did. I… I should have handled it better.”

“Yes, you should have.”

Her mom’s words were firm, but not harsh. She tossed the yogurt cup in the trash and joined Ella at the sink. The rose-scented night lotion she used reached Ella’s nose, and for the first time in forever, Ella wanted to hug her and have her tell her that everything was going to be okay.

“I’ve reflected on that night, too.” Her mom pressed her hand on top of Ella’s. “A lot, actually. You’ve been trying to tell us for years how you felt, how you feel smothered. I know it’s not easy, and it’s not always fair. But you aredifferent, Ella. And I know you hate to hear that, but it’s the truth. You will always have greater needs than others, and that’s just fact. Does that feel horrible? Yes? Do I wish you were any other way? Absolutely not. Because this is part of you, and I love you.”

Ella reached over and consumed the hug she wanted earlier. Her mom squeezed her and kissed the top of her head.

Yes, her mom could be difficult and judgy and frustrating. But deep down, she wouldn’t have her any other way, either. “I love you, too.” Ella tucked a bottle of water under her arm. “Good night.”

Back in her room, she clicked on the lamp and snuggled into bed. She clasped her fingers behind her head and stared at the ceiling, evaluating the emotional day. God, feelings sucked. Since Jasmine, she’d convinced herself the only thingshe wanted was a one-night stand. No strings attached meant no broken hearts. It meant no puffy eyes, no burning stomach, no obsessively evaluating the things she hated the most about herself and what caused Jasmine to stray.

And now here she was, thinking… no,feeling… things for Sophie, and even though it was scary, she didn’t want to stop. She checked her phone one last time, but Sophie still hadn’t messaged back.

Should I…?She tapped the phone case, running through a list of worst-case scenario outcomes. Yes I should.

Ella:

hey, now that Thomas knows where you live and all, want us to pick you up tomorrow for work?

Bubbles appeared on the screen, and she held her breath. The message was easy enough, a cross between professional and friendly which could be waved away depending on the response. If she said no, then whatever happened in the hot tub was a fluke, and she could chalk it up to the emotional day.

Sophie:

You mean swap a 45-minute commute for a 10-minute ride and give up all the metro’s morning special smells? Sounds great, thank you.

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