Page 59 of Forget

The pain in her eyes slayed him. Had he really given her that impression? Considering he emotionally shut down whenever she showed a hint of moving beyond the physical, and he continually pushed her away after they had sex, yeah, he’d done a mighty fine job of treating her like crap.

It shamed him and he hated that he’d despised his father for doing the very same thing to his mother for years. Luckily, he’d figured out he needed to treat his woman right a hell of a lot faster than his father. Jaydawashis woman. He’d make sure she understood that if it took all night for him to bumble his way through this apology.

‘What I know is I opened myself up to you and you shut me down.’ She snapped her fingers. ‘Just like that.’

She blinked rapidly and glanced away, and Brock hoped she wouldn’t cry. That would undo him completely.

‘You belittled me and made me feel like shit, so if you’ve come here to apologise to make yourself feel better, you can go fuck yourself.’

When she met his eyes again, hers were filled with defiance, and even in those old flannel PJs, with her hair a tangled mess and her skin devoid of makeup, he’d never seen her look more beautiful.

‘I want to apologise for treating you so appallingly, but I also came here to say something else.’

She tilted her chin up. ‘What?’

The words stuck in his throat because he’d never said them before. But as disappointment downturned the mouth he wanted to kiss forever, he knew he had to say something before he lost her.

‘I love you.’ It came out too soft so he cleared his throat and tried again. ‘I love you and I hope you’ll let me prove it to you.’

She stared at him in open-mouthed shock. He took a step forward and she didn’t move, which he took as a good sign considering she glared at him with suspicion.

‘I want a real relationship,’ he said. ‘I want to have brunches with you and go to jazz bars with you and wake up next to you.’

She still didn’t speak and his meagre confidence started to flounder, badly. ‘My freak-out the last time we were together had nothing to do with my folks matchmaking us and everything to do with them.’

Her shoulders relaxed a little and she unfolded her arms, an encouraging sign.

‘Growing up witness to their shitty marriage made me never want to be in a long-term relationship, ever. I can be like my dad sometimes, grumpy and introverted, and I didn’t want to inflict that on any woman who’d end up hating me because of it.’

He huffed out a breath. ‘Then lately, when I’m around you, I’ve found myself feeling possessive, another less than attractive trait I associate with my dad.’

He scrubbed a hand over his face, the tension of confessing his innermost shame making his facial muscles tighten. ‘But I’ve been an idiot. The more time we spent together, the more I found myself wanting to open up to you, to share stuff I’ve bottled up for years. But I didn’t want to dump all my shit on you when you’re so confident and together.’

He grimaced. ‘Besides, you’ve had enough on your plate lately with your folks and the new business and I didn’t want to screw with you when I couldn’t articulate half of what I was feeling. Plus, I’m no good at long-term relationships, I’ve never had one, and you’re so special to me—’

‘Which is why you deliberately pushed me away,’ she finished for him, sounding wondrous and a tad hopeful. ‘If you love me, you should’ve trusted me enough to tell me the truth. All of it. Everything you’ve just said.’

Relieved she’d lost the hostile tone, he continued. ‘That’s what I’m doing now because I don’t want to have any regrets when it comes to the woman I love, even if being tied down terrifies me.’

Her eyes lit as she glanced at his chest. ‘Is that what the seagull tattoos are about? Never being constrained?’

He nodded. ‘At the risk of sounding like a dork, I did it about four months after graduation night, when I couldn’t get you out of my head. I wanted to be free of you so…’ He shrugged, hoping she didn’t think he was a total loser for admitting that.

To his surprise, her mouth quirked into a bashful smile. ‘You got tats, I got a gym membership.’

Confused, he waited for her to continue.

‘Looks like we’ve both got parental issues. For me, I was always second best. My folks adored Sasha and losing herdidn’t change that.’ She grimaced and pointed at her waistline. ‘I always had body-image issues and feeling unworthy became second nature in all aspects of my life. So after giving that dickhead my virginity, I wanted to lose weight to feel better about myself.’

She blinked rapidly, the sheen in her eyes almost undoing him. ‘But then I realised you did that. You liked me how I was so I stopped watching scales and going to the gym and tried to be happy with the way I was.’

‘You’re always beautiful to me,’ he said, itching to hold her, but he could tell she had more to say.

‘Thanks. Anyway, turns out my dad didn’t deal with Sasha’s death too well and started gambling, ended up embezzling money from the charity fund I managed for them, and Mum helped him cover it up.’

‘Shit, that’s terrible.’

‘It’s all sorted now and he’s getting help, but I wanted to tell you you’re not the only one whose folks screwed them up.’ She made circles at her temple.

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