Page 57 of Journey to You

He could say any of those things. Instead, he had a sinking feeling his lifelong need to control everything, a fear of not being good enough, could eradicate his dream.

He’d fought long and hard to conquer the insecurities born from being dumped by a mother who didn’t love him, of enduring beatings from older step siblings, from sleeping in doorways and foraging for scraps of food to fill the ache ravaging his empty belly.

Nothing intimidated him anymore. In the business arena, he was king. Yet at this moment, with Tam’s invitation echoing through his head, haunting him, taunting him, he was catapulted back to a time when he felt sick to his stomach with fear.

Fear he’d lose total control and there’d be no coming back.

Dragging a hand through his hair, he turned back to face her, met her eyes, saw his fear reflected there.

“I’m not sure what you’re asking me.”

Her bottom lip wobbled, slugging him to his soul, before she squared her shoulders. “I’m asking you to spend some time with me, explore what we’ve already started.”

She pointed at the stack of paperwork on his desk. “I know you’ve got a business to run but if you can delegate for a while, take some time off, I’d really like to see if what we have is as special as I think it is.”

His heart almost burst with pride as she stood in front of him, confident in what she wanted, in stark contrast to the fragile woman of a few months ago. She’d come so far, had put herself on the line for him.

Considering what Richard had done to her, for her to trust him enough with her love let alone be honest about it, blew him away.

Ethan wanted to say yes. He wanted to throw caution to the wind and follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked.

But could he really let go?

Dogged by the insecurities of a lifetime, he dragged in a breath, another, wishing he could change, but all too aware wishes were futile.

Reaching out, he took hold of her hands and tugged her closer.

“Tam, I think you’re amazing and that’s one hell of an offer—”

“But you can’t.” Her voice quivered and he hauled her into his arms.

“I need some time to think,” he murmured, knowing deep down that all the time in the world wouldn’t help him.

She settled into his embrace for a moment before placing her palms against his chest and pushing away.

“I guess there’s my answer.”

He frowned, tipped her chin up, hating the hint of defeat in her voice.

Swatting his hand away, she stepped out of his embrace.

“If you need time to think, you’re not ready for this. Not ready for us.”

He opened his mouth to respond, to tell her how difficult it was for him to shrug off the doubts of a lifetime, but she held up her hand.

“While you’re thinking, I’ll be rebuilding my life over there. I’ll be at the Taj Mahal in two weeks from today. If you’re there, I’ll have my answer. If you’re not…” She shrugged, the pain in her shimmering gaze taking his breath away. “I guess I’ll have my answer too.”

Before he could move she plastered her lips to his, a swift, impassioned kiss filled with the yearning clambering at his soul, but breaking the kiss when he tried to hold her.

“Tam—”

“You’ve got two weeks.”

She stalked from his office, head held high, and he stifled the urge to chase her, the dull ache in his chest spreading, gutting him.

He rubbed at his chest, pacing his office like one of the tigers they’d seen at a National Park. The ache gnawed at him, eating away a large hole that soon flooded with a sickening mix of regret and frustration and fear.

Fear he’d lost her, for good.

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