Page 51 of The Friend

She’d always been lousy at handling rejection courtesy of her flakey folks and though Judd would never intentionally hurt her, he’d do it anyway when the wanderlust he had running in his veins eventually took over again.

“I can’t give us a chance because none of this has been real,” she said. “We’ve had a great time on the island, but a relationship based on more than friendship? It would ruin us.You’re not a stayer, you never have been, and that’s what I expect.”

Taking a deep breath, she decided to lay a few more truths on him. If he refuted her claims, maybe they had a chance. If not…her heart already ached.

“You may want to stay in Sydney for a while, but can you honestly say that isn’t going to change? That you won’t want to take off when the urge hits or when the going gets tough between us or when the next big job offer comes along? It’s what you do. It’s a part of who you are. Do you really think you can change that much?”

Whatever small hope she harboured withered and died as he shook his head.

“I can’t give you any guarantees,” he said, reaching for her before thinking better of it, his hands dropping uselessly to his sides. “You know I’m not that kind of guy. Hell, you know me better than I know myself most of the time.”

“And that’s why we need to stay friends. But friends only.”

Saying the words out loud ripped a hole in her heart and she blinked several times, hating the sting of tears as she focussed on the ocean view over his right shoulder.

Judd stared at Abby, willing her to look at him. Instead, she looked away, her gaze darting around the room.

Her words cut straight to his core. After this morning, he stupidly harboured hopes they could work this out, that if he had an honest talk with her, they could come to some sort of agreement.

Instead, she didn’t trust him enough to believe he could change, that he wanted her enough to change, and she had no interest in giving them a chance.

Struggling to hide his disappointment, he said, “If that’s what you want, friends it is.”

“Okay.”

An icy fist wrapped around his heart and squeezed. She was right, of course. How stupid could he be? Being friends was so much easier than loving someone, but could he separate the two after being dumb enough to fall for her? Could he fall back into their old, teasing routine when every time she smiled at him he’d want to haul her into his arms, or every time she touched him he’d want to tear her clothes off?

And what about the times she said, ‘I love you’? When she’d said it on the odd occasion in the past he’d taken it to mean something. They’d loved each other as friends for as long as he could remember and she’d often thrown the words at him, especially around birthdays and Christmas, usually down the telephone while he’d been holed up in some jungle or desert.

He’d treasured those words, knowing they were affectionate rather than a profession of deeper feelings. Yet this morning, after his epiphany, he realised how much he wished she meant them.

And how much he’d like to say them to her.

Like that would ever happen now.

“Right, I’ll leave you to it.” He injected the right amount of coolness into his voice, unwilling to let her know how much she’d hurt him.

“Fine.”

She looked anything but.

He hadn’t noticed the dark smudges under eyes until now, her fragility drawing him under her spell when he should be putting as much emotional distance between them as possible.

“I’ll see you later.” He turned and walked away, wishing she’d call him back.

She didn’t and he silently cursed himself for being a sucker.

Chapter Twenty-Four

As the plane took off, Abby closed her eyes.

Her head pounded, her heart ached, and she craved a comforting hug like nothing else. Her best friend would be good for that…and the instant the thought popped into her head, she almost cried.

Judd was her best friend yet everything had changed, and she couldn’t imagine telling him her deepest secrets anymore let alone touching him.

The best she could hope for was to bury herself in work, considering the promotion was ninety-nine-point-nine percent hers anyway, and try to maintain some semblance of normality in her dealings with him at the office.

There’s more to life than chasing some crazy dream job and not getting attached to anything or anyone for fear of losing it.

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