Page 76 of Crave

Listen to Fade Into You

by (feat. Sam Palladio & Clare Bowen) Nashville soundtrack

As I looked into Adam’s face, I wanted to fall to my knees and weep. He stared at me with wariness and a touch of distance, dragging me back to the time when we circled each other but were unable to connect; the time when I was with Max and refused to blow up my safe life for the unknown.

I forgot how Adam affected me; pulling me to him as if he was my true other half. My entire body shook with the need to go to him, touch his face; stroke his hair; tell him how much I missed him. He’d pull me in and dominate me with his kisses and rough commands, allowing me to splinter and be free under his care.

But now? He’d already built walls around his heart. I’d broken his trust and it wouldn’t be about one apology to earn it back.

When I announced I was leavingDumped, the cast and crew had gone apeshit. Lydia paused filming to take me aside and warn me about what would happen if I walked. I’d be breaking my contract. I’d be done with tv and a lot of other bookings. My agent may drop me. My name would be blacklisted.

I didn’t care. I stuck to my decision, threw my shit in a bag, and left the set. They’d probably spin my role on the show badly, but fuck it. The sheer relief that pulsed through me confirmed I’d made the right choice.

I got in an Uber, which took forever to come, and kept trying to reach Adam but he still wouldn’t answer. I knew he was leaving for the airport, but I wasn’t sure of the flight, so I called Gabby and told her to text Adam to get the info. Gabby rocked. She didn’t ask for details—just got the job done. As I urged the driver to do everything possible to speed up or take short cuts, I booked a ticket for Adam’s flight to LA, which still had seats available.

Maybe I was losing my mind. Maybe I’d show up with my grand gesture and he’d politely tell me he needed time away by himself. Time to see if my one mistake was big enough to step back and focus on his career. Fear lodged icily in my heart but there was nothing I could do except put myself out there and hope he caught me.

God, please let him catch me.

Because what I was about to do would change everything. I’d leave it all behind and follow him to LA. People would call me a groupie. I’d need to figure out what I wanted besides being in love with Adam, but somehow, I was more scared he’d reject me than anything else.

I’d torn through the airport like a bat out of hell and found Unison on line. The guys had looked confused but pointed him out, and now I was standing before him, about to plead my case.

The movie Notting Hill flashed through my mind. I was tempted to say the famous line:I’m just a girl, standing before a boy, asking him to love me. But that was too cheesy and not good enough. I’d need my own words to win this one.

“Landon?” His gaze narrowed as he studied me. “You came all this way to say you’re sorry?”

My hands were shaking but I refused to hide them. “Yes. I can’t let you get on that plane without knowing the truth.”

His muscles stiffened. “I already know the truth. I tried to tell you but you’ll always protect Max. Shit, maybe I can’t blame you. There’s a history with him. Maybe this time apart will be good for us. We can figure some stuff out.”

Fear shredded my nerve endings. I stepped into his space, throwing my head back as I challenged him to look at me; to see me. “I don’t need time to figure anything out,” I said fiercely. A strange primitive fury whipped through my body as I fought for the man I loved. “I fucked up, okay? I was off my game and distracted with the stupid show, and Max was buzzing around me and saying all the right things. But once we hung up, I realized you’re my truth. Not Max. I told him to leave. Told him he wasn’t welcome in my life anymore. I won’t be seeing him again.”

The flicker in his beautiful dark eyes gave me hope. “Even if our group will be broken up? There’s no way I can be around him and Coop, pretending we’re friends. Things will be different.”

“Then it’ll be different,” I said simply.

His voice hardened. “You believe me about Max?”

“Yes. I know you wouldn’t have said it unless you were one hundred percent positive.”

I stared back at him and let him see all of me. The fear and the need for him. The love that I felt for him, so deep and dark and encompassing, it held a bittersweet brutality that filled me up. Because it was unique to us.

There. The tiny break in his armor confirmed it wasn’t over between us. A softer edge emanated from his tone. “You were able to leave the set? I thought there was a vote tonight.”

I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and touching him. My palms lightly touched his chest, and I half closed my eyes, fighting back the raw urgency to step in his arms and force him to hold me. “There was. Everyone was voting for Amy, but when they began to read the votes, I realized I didn’t want anything else except for you. So, I quit.”

He jerked back. Shock glimmered in his eyes and on his face, but I kept talking.

“I don’t want to do the show, Adam. Every day I felt as if I was a sell-out. The manipulation wasn’t about reality—it was pulling me apart but I’d wanted this for so long, I couldn’t recognize I’d changed. I’m not that person anymore.”

He leaned in, his hands gripping my shoulders. “Wait—you left? Just to come apologize to me?”

I swallowed back the anxiety and threw myself off the cliff. “No. I bought a ticket to LA. I want to come with you.” I touched his rough cheek. My voice was a shaky whisper. “I love you. You are my choice, over and over, again and again. Always you. Only you.”

It was as if we were in our own world of silence. The airport buzzed with activity, as people bumped into us with their luggage and announcements screamed over the intercom calling for flights. But to me, I only saw Adam, waiting for his response to my raw speech.

But he didn’t speak.

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