Page 67 of Yearn

A glass fell off the bar, and Gabby jerked me back. Their voices grew louder and the shoving got more violent and I couldn’t believe the shit that was suddenly going down in a matter of seconds.

The crowd at the bar began to hoot and holler in excitement over a fight at the exclusive Red.

Just as I was seriously thinking of jumping between the two idiots, Rock appeared and broke it up. His tone was full of fury. “Get your ass in my office now,” he growled at Max. “Randy—back to work. Show’s over.”

I watched Max get dragged off, and felt the curious gazes from the bar patrons burn into my skin. The events of the long day and night began to hit me hard, and I couldn’t handle the onslaught of so many emotions at once. My body began to shake.

“Are you okay?” Gabby asked. “You look a little sick.”

The music blared and people laughed and Gabby stared at me with concern and all I knew was nothing would ever be the same because Max had betrayed me and I still had feelings for Adam.

I had to get out of here.

Weak tears stung my eyes. “No. I’m not alright. I feel like I’m gonna throw up.”

She straightened up. “Go home, now. I got you covered.”

I shook my head. “Gabby, it’s insane here, Rock will kill me.”

“Elle and I got you. Get out of here now, Landon. Please.”

My lower lip trembled. Appreciation rushed through me. She was a good friend and I was lucky to have her guarding my back. I gave a jerky nod, raced to the back room to grab my stuff, and left.

I didn’t want to go back to my quiet apartment where Max was supposed to have moved into so I walked. The night was muggy and the breeze barely stirred. The streets were jammed with tourists and revelers. They waited in line for restaurants and clubs, crowded around street vendors and corners, smoking weed and vaping, dressed to impress, chasing pleasure as dawn threatened to erase another evening’s hope and possibilities. The half-moon hung suspended in a dark velvet sky, peeking between buildings, marred by smog. The few stars that were visible streaked across the sky like they’d been split open and dragged across the clouds.

I thought of my relationship with Max and all of our bullshit. The games and the vows of love. The image of what I thought we could be. The way I liked how he did what I wanted, told me what I craved, and how well he treated me except for sleeping with other women. Even with sex, there was a gentle undercurrent that confirmed his love for me. But I hadn’t been enough.

I thought of Adam and his raw honesty. Of the way he pushed me, not afraid to see if I’d break. He had no issue with challenging me on my choices, asking hard questions no one else dared. I thought of the way he’d kissed me like I was his last dying breath.

Adam wouldn’t make love to me with care. He’d fuck me, use me, and take more than I wanted to give. He’d break open every shameful door and secret I kept hidden, from the world and myself. He’d foster not only endless pleasure, but pain, because I was beginning to learn there was much more lurking behind that feeling than I’d imagined.

I’d let Adam go to save myself. To save our group. To save Max, who I loved. To save my precious identity and meaning I’d assigned from being with certain men.

But there was nothing to save anymore. It was all smashed and broken to pieces and I got to choose how I put it back together. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to follow any more rules. I didn’t want to be who I thought I should, or who people wanted me to be. The real problem was I didn’t know who that left. Who the hell was I really?

I walked and walked and found myself at Adam’s door.

I waited for him, in the shadows, knowing what I was about to do was wrong and twisted and selfish. Knowing I would do it anyway.

He appeared like a mirage and my greedy gaze took him in. My heart stopped and raced full force. He tried to stop it from happening. He was right to try, but I needed him too much to allow him to run.

I watched him grind his teeth and growl the words with a warning. “Get out of here, Landon. There’s nothing here for you.”

But there was. And I needed him.

“Please.”

My broken plea cut through the silence.

One second. Two. Three.

I waited, holding my breath.

He walked past me and let me in.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Landon

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