Page 62 of Yearn

Did it really matter as long as my music got to the masses? This would allow me to grow as a songwriter. I also loved the idea of working with Noah and Elle on new material in the future. The song we’d worked together on was fire. It was about unrequited love, but Noah had been the one to tease out the lyrics by matching it to his particular music. When I heard the rough demo of Noah and Elle singing together, I was blown away. The lyrics reminded me of Landon, but the song felt more like it belonged to Noah and Elle than me.

The song I’d written for Landon was also on the album. I remembered singing it to her and our deep discussion afterward. Remembered her surprise that I’d listened when she confessed her vulnerability. I deliberately treated her like crap to keep my distance, but her truth always struck me straight in the heart. There was so much within her I yearned to uncover. I’d only wanted the opportunity to be the man to show her that she was so much more than Max gave her credit for.

I’m glad JJ had decided that song was too slow to be the first single. I couldn’t handle any type of leftover emotion or hope for us to wreck my head.

I walked in and high fived the guys. They were dressed in jeans and casual t’s and drinking coffee as they bantered with one another. I still felt like an outsider, but I was making my peace with it. We didn’t have to be besties—I already had my crew—but I wanted to be accepted by them talent wise. I made sure I worked harder and longer and showed no attitude. They didn’t deserve any crap. They’d been playing the local scene together for a long time and had never been able to get the rightsongs and singer to hit. I respected them and I only wanted the same. So far, I felt the vibe was good between all of us and only getting stronger.

Xavier was on drums, Lance was on guitar, and Seb played bass. Both Lance and Seb had girlfriends who seemed nice, and Xavier was the typical man whore who was pumped about getting big. He was a bit wilder than the other two, with long streaky blonde hair, a full beard, and a preference to be shirtless when he played. He liked his weed but it never affected his drums. In fact, he probably did better when he was high.

JJ joined us shortly, along with the team so we could do final edits. I was well-versed in editing from working in a studio so many years, so we heard the tracks and began tuning. There were some raw notes in my voice I didn’t like, and some funky parts where drums and bass sounded off, so the guys and I got to work.

It took several hours of creative energy and by the time we were done, I was both pumped and drained. The simmer of anticipation in my gut was growing. I hated hoping for anything—I’d always gotten screwed in the past—but there was something about Unison and this album that felt right.

Everything felt lined up to succeed.

The others must’ve sensed the same because everyone wanted to go drinking afterward. I craved hitting my bed since Max had woken me up so damn early, but it was smart to bond so I said yes. We ended up at my fave Irish pub where Landon and I had traded barbs and sexual innuendoes down the hall.

I pushed the thought from my mind, drank beer, and celebrated the wrap of my first official recording. I took ribbing from the guys on me being the new poster boy for young girls to cream over, and shared a few laughs. I was the first to leave but I could tell we’d gotten closer. I was being accepted on my own terms.

I lit a cigarette and smoked while I walked home. I wondered if Landon and Max had it out. They had to work together at Red and eventually would be involved in our same group even if they broke up. It was a mega cluster fuck but not my business.

I kept repeating the mantra to myself.

My phone flashed and I answered. “Hey, Gabby.”

Facetime showed her against a brick wall, and she was dressed in a tight white shirt with her hair sexily tousled. Probably on break at Red. “Oh, my God, did you hear about Max? Landon got a video of him cheating on her and shit’s getting real here.”

I tamped down a groan. I had an idea I’d be fielding these calls all week. “Yep. Max called and told me. He was freaking out.”

Smoke floated around her and her red lips pursed over the tip of her cigarette and sucked in. “I bet. Max made a scene trying to talk to her, and got jealous over some guys at her table. Then he got in a fight with Randy, the other bartender and Rock pulled Max in for a warning. Landon tried to ignore him and do her job but she was so upset, Rock sent her home early.

“Are they fighting or broken up?” I asked, pretending I don’t care.

“I’m assuming they’re done. I mean, the video was pretty damaging. Max is losing his shit like some screwed over Romeo. I’ve never seen him such a mess.”

I imagined my cool, calm, collected friend finally experiencing fucked up emotions like the rest of us. I wished him no harm but it was hard to feel too bad when he was the one who did the dirty deed. “Guess he really loves her.”

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s about not getting what he wants. Not sure about Max—I’ll need to dig into his psyche more.”

I laughed. “Yeah, you’re done with me already?”

She laughed back. I heard a door slam and a bunch of girls bitching about their schedules. “You’re a lifelong project, sweetie,” she teased, blowing me a kiss. “Gotta go. Didn’t want you to miss the drama.”

“Thanks for thinking of me.”

We clicked off.

I thought about Landon and me and our different paths. Some things weren’t meant to be and it was better for me to accept rather than fight. I’d continue being friendly and distant, but in the end, my loyalty was toward Max. I’d been straight with him about my feelings on him cheating, and he’d laughed it off. Same with Coop, though Coop usually made out with random women and never fucked anyone. In the end, Landon would probably move on. Hook up with other men who she could control and kept her safe. I’d do my music and get my needs met with women who understood there was no room for relationships—just pleasure. We’d both be okay.

I turned the corner, and that’s when I realized I was full of shit.

Because outside my door, waiting, was Landon.

I paused and my entire body stiffened. The air thickened and every step I took toward her was a nail in my coffin; a reminder that no matter how my brain rationalized and accepted; no matter how much it fought and willed me to keep my distance, my fucking soul called out for her. She was in my blood and bones and knit so tightly, I could never seem to cut her loose.

My instincts told me to run. Spin on my heel and walk away. Leave her behind on my doorstep to figure her stuff out with Max. Not me.

Her head rose and it was like she was scenting the air, preparing to meet me.

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