Page 17 of Yearn

His blue eyes turned hot. I rubbed his hip suggestively. “I will. Maybe we’ll visit the restroom.”

I laughed, spinning away. “You wish. That’s Coop’s move.”

“Landon!” Elle screamed, overhearing us. “We didn’t!”

I laughed, and spun around, bumping into Adam’s chest. “You really are a bitch. You peed on him to mark your territory,” he taunted in a low voice.

The lights flashed and the music pumped and the alcohol heated my blood. “Don’t be jealous,” I whispered back, making sure no one heard me. “Maybe one day you’ll find someone who can stand you and your ego for more than one night.”

“Take a picture, princess.”

“Write a song, asshole.”

Our gazes collided and my breath strangled in my lungs. Respect flashed in those seething dark eyes, and then was gone.

Just a trick of the light.

I grabbed Elle and Daisy and led them to the dance floor, turning my back on both Adam and Gabriella.

We danced until sweat slicked our skin and our bodies ached. We drank until the magic fire of I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck streamed in our blood and loosened inhibitions and the monsters in the closet. Max and I made out on the dance floor, our bodies fitting together, the new resolve I’d made to go in with him full-forcesmoothing out any rough edges of doubt. We did body shots off each other’s tight abs and partied hard into the night. Gabriella and Adam danced together, but I didn’t catch any physical heat between them, no kissing or touching other than an occasional ass or hip grind.

Max kept out of her orbit and Gabriella seemed to let him be, content to try and catch Adam within her web. I wished her luck since he was really the tarantula.

The room got fuzzy so I guzzled some water and headed to the bathroom. When I stumbled out, I saw Gabriella taking pics with the group and anger rushed through my veins. Why was she posting with my friends? And why were they letting her? Daisy and Elle were laughing at what she was saying, and a strange fear hit me full force. I needed them. What if Gabriella waltzed in and blew everything up? Tried to infiltrate the group by using Adam and took over as the leader? I stared at my crew, my own makeshift family, suddenly feeling completely separate and alone.

The memories of my mom slammed into my vision, reminding me I may have the same awful genetics. The cycle of rage and tears, over and over, with only alcohol smoothing out the mess. The tendency for self-pity and blaming everyone else for her own mistakes. Tipsy, off-center, I tried to shake it off and backed myself into a dark corner by one of the staff closets.

No. I was getting paranoid. I wouldn’t let my mother get in my head.

I wouldn’t marry someone like my father and give him everything I was, leaving nothing for myself.

I was better than that.

I fumbled with my purse and dug out my phone. I’d take some pics and post. My fans loved seeing me with Max, showing the cool places we hung out, our clothes, and our lifestyle. Gabriella was trying to steal what I had and I wouldn’t let her.

My notifications buzzed madly and I blinked, trying to scan through the screen.

Then froze.

No.

This wasn’t happening.

I clicked on the Buzzfeed post with shaky fingers and read the headline.

Cast for The Room finalized! Meet Your New Roommates!

It was the reality show I’d tried out for. I’d been obsessively checking messages, sure I was going to get cast. I had nailed the auditions and seen the looks on the casting directors faces. I’d made an impression. I’d counted on the role to change my life, felt the sureness in my bones that this was my lucky break.

But I’d lost. There hadn’t even been a phone call telling me the news. I’d found out with the rest of the world.

I stared at a picture-perfect blonde who looked like me. Thick, wavy hair. Blue eyes. A cute perky face and a petite curvy body. She was a fitness trainer in NY with a bachelor’s degree in science, focusing on nutrition. Dressed in yoga pants and a stretchy top, her smile was megawatt, showing white teeth and flexing her arm to display her bicep muscles.

She was me, but not. They hadn’t needed me because I’d given them nothing special.

Because the truth was, maybe I wasn’t.

The doubts I always fought off hit hard. My legs weakened and I leaned against the wall, squeezing my eyes shut. Usually, I’d flee to my girlfriends or Max, craving comfort and platitudes, until I dusted myself off and tried again. I believed in myself. Believed I’d make my mark in this world.

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