Page 41 of Yearn

I caught my breath.

“Can you imagine being around someone you love but can never tell? Having to trap your feelings insidebut tortured by his presence? Wanting him so bad but knowing it’s impossible?”

Those haunting eyes pierced through mine and seemed to see things I’d never acknowledged. Secret places and yearnings for things I refused to admit. Didn’t everyone have a person, or dream, or thing, that kept them awake at night, wondering how to get or achieve it?

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Sing it like that, Elle. Sing it for all of us.”

I closed my eyes, moved by the statement, and when I opened them, I sang the song. He joined me in the verse, taking me by surprise at first with the power of his voice, but I kept singing and felt like I was reaching into parts of me that had remained dormant. Finally, we fell silent, the lingering notes falling around us in the air like a memory.

My heart was beating like crazy and my palms were sweaty. I felt like something had happened but I couldn’t explain what it was. Something that changed things.

“That was perfect,” Noah said. He leaned over and brushed his hand over mine. “You were perfect.”

Our gazes locked. We stared at each other in silence for a while, my foggy brain desperately trying to figure out what the hell had happened.

He drew his hand back and cleared his throat.

The bubble burst and then it was just Noah again.

I had definitely drunk too much wine.

Chapter Eighteen

Noah

Listen to Break into my Heart

by Daughtry

Iknew love at first sight was real, because it had happened to me.

What no one tells you is how excruciating it can be, especially when you are Fated to never be together. But I made the bargain and learned to live with it. As long as I stuck to the rules, I wouldn’t hurt anyone, and could have a relatively happy life. It was a motto I reminded myself on a daily basis, but right now, I was having some issues.

I closed my eyes and blew out a breath. Tried to chase the music and get lost. But the image of Elle burned into my brain and played in an endless, infinite loop.

Cursing, I stood up, threw off my headphones, and began to pace the small room. Back and forth, I fell into an unconscious rhythm I liked to repeat when I was stuck; when the music stopped playing. Usually movement helped lure inspirationback, but minutes ticked by and I was no closer to finishing the song I’d started weeks ago.

Of course, I knew the real problem. My elusive, exquisite Muse had gotten too close. I worked best when my Muse was at a distance and I needed to chase her. Like that magic moment of waking up after a long nap, caught between sleep and consciousness. It was then I was open enough to allow inspiration to wash over me. It was then I sought my keyboard and began to compose and mix music. It was then I had no fear, because I could blame my emotions on a dream.

But not today. Today, Elle had sat beside me and gifted me with her voice. She’d sung, smiled, and given me her complete focus. And in the moment that my real emotions slipped and she’d glimpsed the truth, she hadn’t jerked back in disgust or horror.

No, she’d stared right back with a flare of interest in her stunning brown-gold eyes. Her olive skin was warm and smooth under my hand. The faint scent of her perfume still tinged my nostrils; a mix of musky floral that made my head swim. I’d waited for her to break the sudden awareness and connection, but I’d been the one to yank us back to reality. Some part of me realized I was on the edge and the wrong move could ruin our relationship forever.

I’d never risk it. Elle was too important in my life. Her friendship was a bright light; a ray of hope; my inspiration every morning.

Elle was my Muse and had been since the moment we met.

Giving up on work, I trudged to the kitchen and opened a beer. I needed to get my head screwed on right, because I had an event tonight and needed to be in the zone. I loved being a DJ. I had a flexible schedule and room for creativity, and though being in front of a huge crowd went against my usual reserved nature, I came alive in public. Their energy fed mine, and nailingthe correct version or mix of a song for the exact mood in a club was a thrill.

But I didn’t see myself doing this for the next decade. Like Adam, I dreamed of more. Of being able to compose original music for the masses, whether it be radio, movies, tv, or theater. I wasn’t in a rush to get there like my friends. All of us seemed to be going through a quarter life crisis, frustrated not to be further along in our goals. Even Max showed signs of worry, though most would never catch it. Probably another reason he was so hot to move in with Landon. I guess it was a way he could feel like he was moving forward.

I knew music would always be a part of my life—it had been the only thing that made sense to me. I had a talent for reading music at a young age. Mom had gotten me piano lessons and it was like continuing something I’d known in a previous life. Not sure if I believed in reincarnation but it was weird how easy it was to play instruments and understand the fine balance of structure and freedom in music. I’d been luckier than Adam—my parents were supportive and encouraged me to go big or go home. When I moved to New York from my tiny town in Maine where nothing really happened except a rare sighting of Stephen King, I wasn’t running from something as much as running to something. And my fear of failure never kept me up at night. I just worked my ass off with no time table and it seemed to all pan out.

Except for my relationships. Hell, I hadn’t been focused on love until I was introduced to Elle, and realized she was my soul-mate. Of course, it was too late from the start. She was involved with Coop. I hated that he got drunk and sloppy and kissed other women. I hated that he seemed to brush off her talents andfocus on her looks. I hated he didn’t see what I saw, took her for granted, and acted like a juvenile idiot too many times.

But he didn’t sleep around like Max, and he encouraged Elle to get out there instead of staying home to mope over the strike. And he loved photography the way I loved music, so he was able to connect with that part of Elle I felt was underserved. Yes, she was great in front of the camera and I had no doubt she’d be an actress one day. But it was her voice that haunted me; her voice that connected to my heart and soul; her heart that I composed all my music for.

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