Page 13 of Yearn

Listen to Blank Space

by Taylor Swift

Iheld my breath as Max stared at me. He seemed frozen as he waited for my announcement, and I experienced a rush of power at the obvious fear dilating his pupils. It was more evidence that I was important and he didn’t want to lose me.

“I’m ready to start fresh and recommit to this relationship. I’m tired of the back and forth between us, so I’ve decided to trust you. Move on. Make this work.”

His shoulders slumped with obvious relief. “You can. I swear to God, you can trust me, Landon. I love you. No more bullshit about other women or doubts. You’re the one I want forever. Let’s move in together.”

I gave a tiny gasp. I hadn’t expected him to ask so soon. I knew we were heading toward the goal, but all of this gossip about cheating, and my own inner doubts kept us from discussing it. “I’m not sure I’m ready,” I said slowly.

“It’s the logical next step,” he urged, reaching out to touch my bare leg. His fingers caressed my knee. “I can show you how serious I am about us, and we’ll have more time together.”

It was a good idea. I knew by taking this next step, we’d both be more focused on growing our relationship. I’d thought about it before. But losing my own space? Sharing every private moment and not having a safe back up if things went wrong? That scared the hell out of me. “Your place is much too small. And I’m not doing a threesome with you and Coop.”

He grinned, his hand traveling higher up my thigh. My body responded automatically, muscles softening and allowing him access. “Then I’ll move here. Plenty of room. What do you say?”

His fingers slid over my panties, pressing into my clit, and earned a moan. “I need a little more time. I need you to prove you’re ready for this.”

Slipping under the elastic, he played, dipping his fingers into my channel until I was wet and achy. “Oh, I’m ready, baby. Just like you.”

I was tired of being mad at him. I spread my legs, and he climbed over the bed and on top of me. In seconds, he’d tugged my underwear off, yanked down his jeans, and slid inside. Arching into the pillow, I shut my eyes and focused on the slow thrusts as he fucked me. I grabbed his hand and pressed it against my clit, and he laughed low and did what I asked, rubbing me with confident strokes that he’d done a thousand times before, knowing exactly how to get me to orgasm.

I urged him to go faster, but he kept his strokes steady, whispering how much he loved me. Max always got me off. He loved sex, and his fingers worshipped me, eager to give me as much pleasure as I asked.

I was close, so I grabbed the back of his head and forced his lips to mine, biting hard.

He didn’t bite back. Just kissed me deep, his tongue working my mouth, hands caressing my body.

Even as I let my body release, the dark, disturbing truth of what I really craved sprung up in demand.

I wanted him to pull my hair; sink his teeth into my skin; give me bruises as he branded my body as his.

I wanted him to fuck me with a savagery that bordered on violence; to hold me down and own me.

I wanted him to whisper dirty, filthy words into my ear.

I wanted all of it, but it was wrong, so I enjoyed my orgasm and tried to banish the rest from my soul.

I loved Max. He was enough exactly as he was.

And I’d take the next step soon. I needed a little bit more time.

“You’re so sexy,” he said, kissing me gently, snuggling in beside me. “I’m so glad we’re good now. I never want to lose you.”

I hugged him back. “Me, too.” I needed stability in my life. A man who easily told me his feelings and didn’t play head games.

I was determined to leave that awful, haunting voice behind.

Max and I were perfect.

“Sweetheart! I’ve missed you so much. Where have you been?”

My heart squeezed with dread as my mother’s voice echoed over the speaker. Usually, I screened her calls, but I’d just walked out of a shoot and was distracted so I’d automatically hit accept. I tried to be calm but talking with her was always a shit show and put me in a foul mood. “Hi, Mom. Busy. Working at Red and doing some modeling.”

“I can’t believe you’re waitressing. Honestly, why don’t you quit? It’s embarrassing to tell my friends you went to college and don’t have a real job.”

I told myself to breathe. “Red isn’t a normal restaurant. It’s great for networking and they pay me a lot.”

---