Page 92 of Breathe Again

“Spend some time thinking about what your boundaries are, those that would be important enough to have actual consequences and we’ll talk about that some more.”

“If that’s the definition, I don’t know if I’ve ever had boundaries.”

“I suspect you haven’t been allowed to.”

“This is probably true. It’s difficult to say no when you have a poor sense of self, and I guess, it’s hard to have a sense of self when you’re not allowed to say no.”

“You have good insight. Have you had any revelations there?”

“Some. I feel the loss, like mourning almost, of not knowing who I am apart from everybody else. I feel like I’ve been robbed. As far as learning a bit about who I am, my sister and my best friend have been meeting with me, going over what I’m learning. They had some nice things to say about how they see me.”

“Like what?”

“This is kind of embarrassing.”

She winked. “It’s okay, I promise I won’t think you’re bragging.”

I snorted out a laugh. “Right. Well, my sister said I am love, and that I’ve been love to her. They think I’m empathetic. They also said I’m loyal and that I push through obstacles to love and advocate for my family, that I never give up, and that I’m protective.”

She nodded along, a little smile on her face. “May I add funny, compassionate, and hard-working? Because I’ve seen those traits in you as well. And if I may hazard a guess, you’re probably pretty patient.”

“I guess I’m a bit of all right, hmm? Despite the occasional projectile if he happens to glance at another woman, Zale is a lucky man.” I poked fun at myself, and she laughed with me.

“And there’s the funny!”

My phone dinged with a text notification. “I’m sorry, Erin, I have to check, just in case it’s about Olivia.”

I read the text from my mother, then turned my phone to allow Erin to read it. It read:

I’m glad you were able to talk to me today about being busy and feeling overwhelmed. I hope you were able to get some of your worries off your chest. I’m always here for you, and I’m here to help anytime.

Erin leaned back with a pointed look at me.

I nodded. “And there’s that alternate reality you spoke about. I always question my own perception, wondering how I completely misinterpreted the conversation, wondering if I’m losing it.”

“You're not losing it. This is called gaslighting. You can expect more of that as you resist her. She’ll want to reframe the experience into something more acceptable to her world view, and her view of herself. Hence the need to surround yourself with truth-tellers.”

The rest of the appointment was just as productive. Once at home, I still had an hour and a half before Olivia was due home with Bex and Willa. Girls' night was at Bex’s house that night. There were a few loose ends to tie up before the wedding, which was only two days away. Bex was driving us to their house, and Rhys offered to drive us back home.

I made dinner for Zale and Olivia and plated it for them to warm up when they were ready to eat. I made enough for Rhys and the twins, and packed that too, then packed up the fixings for the charcuterie tray I’d planned to bring for our girls’ night. Finally, I packed some of the giant sugar cookies Olivia and I made the day before for Rhys, Rebecca, Amelie, and Cole.

Zale walked in the door about ten minutes before the girls and Olivia. His normally olive complexion was pale, and he had bags under his eyes.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“Hi, baby. You look exhausted.” I brushed his hair back from his forehead.

“I am. Work is shit right now.”

“I’m sorry, baby. Is it going to be over soon?”

“Yeah, announcements will be made on Monday.”

“That’s good, right?”

He nodded. “My job is safe; I just don’t know what I’m going to be dealing with come Monday morning. We’ve been working short-staffed for so long. People are overstretched, reaching the end of their tolerance.”

He pulled off his tie and draped it over the kitchen chair before dropping onto it.

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