Page 89 of Breathe Again

I felt the first slight tremor and gasped, “Zee, honey, I need to move.”

He released my back but kept his hands on my hips. I reared back, finding the perfect angle to drag that swollen head across my sweet spot. Moments later I cried out quietly as I came and he thrust lightly taking me through it before wrapping his arms around me and fucking me in earnest, emptying his seed inside me with a soft grunt.

I loved his noises. They hit me in my belly, in my heart, and gave me a braingasm.

He kept his arms around me, moving them up around my back, to cradle me against his chest, whispering I love yous. He continued stroking up and down my back, along my sides, sweeping my long hair away from my face, kissing the top of my head, my temple, the curve of my neck where it met my shoulder.

I fell asleep on top of him.

There was no attack.

He left no room for it.

As Real as it Gets

Mara

I have that feeling I get sometimes, where I recognize that everything in our life is perfectly balanced, Zale not working such long hours, Olivia in a calm period, Bex and Willa safe and sound, Zale and I getting along, my book revealing itself at last, it’s a good feeling, a feeling I don’t want to miss because, I feel it, the fall, the plunge, it’s coming, it’s always coming. Like a rollercoaster car poised at the pinnacle of the climb, at rest for that moment in time, but the drop is inevitable.

I don’t know when, but it’s bearing down on me. I’m desperate to enjoy the now, to not waste these precious days, I want us to squeeze all we canout of them, tuck away the memory to tide us over when the dark comes, because it always comes.

No one understands how precious few days we actually have like this, where everyone is healthy, where we’re happy, where life is running smoothly.

I can feel its impermanence. I fear the fall. Will it be because of me? Will someone get sick? Will someone get hurt?

We have had a blessed few days,

I don’t want to miss them.

When Bex arrived at twelve-thirty to pick Olivia up for the shelter, Olivia stood ready at the door. She rarely fussed anymore about going to the shelter. She had gotten to know the rest of the staff and conversed with them regularly. She helped name the new intakes, made the signs for the enclosures, played with the kittens, and she had recently started spending part of her time each week helping the volunteer that worked with the pocket pets, which she loved.

I scheduled my appointment with Erin for two o’clock, which gave me the time buffer I needed in case it took longer to get Olivia out the door and allowed me time to drive there unhurried. I had extra time that day because Olivia skipped out the door so fast, which is probably why I answered the phone when my mother called.

“Hi, mom.”

“Hello, Mara.”

“How are you?”

“Fine. I guess. I haven’t seen you and Olivia since last week.”

“We saw you Monday,” I reminded her, and it had been a good visit. She criticized and complained but at least it wasn’t about me or mine. In fact, she complimented my makeup, my outfit, my parenting, she even made the coffee.

“Mom,” I began gently. “Olivia is getting older, she requires different things now than she did a few years ago, our weeks are getting busier. We can’t always visit two or three times a week anymore, unfortunately.”

“Oh, I see, so Gran-Gran gets the boot?”

“Mom, if she went to school full time, you’d rarely see her two or three times a week like you have been. Think of it that way. She has to do other things too, not just visit Grandma.”

“What’s she doing today? Why can’t you bring her today?”

I was happy I had an answer for this. “She’s at the shelter with Rebecca and Willa, volunteering. She goes every Thursday now. She really likes it!”

“Great!” I felt a momentary ping of unexpected happiness that she shared in my excitement about Olivia’s progress. “That means we can have mother-daughter days on Thursdays!”

“That’s a good idea, Mom, but I generally get caught up on my work, make appointments for Thursdays for myself, this whole thing started because Rebecca wanted to give me one afternoon per week to myself to relax.”

“I thought you just said it was to catch up and go to appointments?”

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