Page 81 of Breathe Again

Bex looked at Willa and gave her a tiny half smile and a shrug. Somehow I expected a more positive reaction. Willa moved forward to take my other hand.

“Mara,” she murmured softly, and I was shocked to see tears in her eyes. “This is not new. This is not some new goal that you’ve decided to focus on, I think you’ve just discovered for yourself a huge piece of who you are, who you’ve always been.” She squeezed my hand. “Mara, you are love. You have been love, to me, my entirelife. You’ve taught me what love is by who you are, and how you are with those you love.”

My mouth gaped open like a landlocked guppy. I searched her eyes but saw only sincerity.

“You think?” I breathed.

“Mara,” she emphasized with a squeeze of my hand. “I know.”

Bex drew my attention by squeezing my other hand. “Merry, this is a part of your identity. Along with your ‘staying power’ to stick with it even when things are tough. Like you stuck to me all these years, and like you kept Willa close and gave her all you could, like you dote on Zale and pushed through the powerful emotions that try to take over when you saw how they hurt him, exactly like you power through any obstacle that dares to stand in Olivia’s way, advocating for her like a battering ram when necessary!”

I laughed suddenly to cover my discomfort and joked like I always did. “Oh my Lord, you are all great for my self-esteem. Zale called me a pit bull where Olivia is concerned. A pit bull and a battering ram. You’re killing my view of myself as this soft, tender, nurturing Madonna!”

I laughed half ruefully, because what woman wants to be compared to a pit bull and a battering ram?

“It’s okay to be strong, Mara,” Willa asserted, “strong is acceptable, strong is beautiful.”

“Strong is beautiful,” I repeated, testing the truth of the words on my tongue. “I think I’m strong. I always thought of myself as pushy and aggressive, but I could say strong instead.”

“You are so strong, sweetheart!” Bex exclaimed. “The battles you’ve fought, the battles you’ve won, the battles that knocked you down, but couldn’t keep you down. Mara, you are. So. Fucking. Strong. Strongest person I know.”

“Truly,” Willa agreed.

Bex interrupted, “Although it’s not a new goal, you still pinpointed a value that you live by, and you discovered, with a little help from your fans, a bit more about who you are. Does that feel true to you?”

“Yup, Mara Donovan: Pitbull, Battering Ram.”

“No!” shouted Willa and Bex in unison. Bex continued, “Mara ‘fearless advocate’ Donovan. Mara ‘loyal protector’ Donovan. Mara ‘never say die’ Donovan. Mara ‘love personified’ Donovan.”

“Amen!” shouted Willa, raising her glass.

“Thanks, guys.” I could feel my face heating up and my chest felt tight but not in a bad way. “But it’s not hard to love you.”

Willa leaned in, bringing her sweet, freckled face in front of mine. “It’s not hard to love you, either,” she stated softly.

My eyes flew up to meet hers. That startled me.

“You need to feel that,” Willa added. “You need to let that sink in until you know it.”

Wet hit my eyes and I covered them both with the heels of my hands. “Oh, my goodness, enough! I can’t take anymore ‘positive validation’ tonight. My system can’t take it. It doesn’t know how to process it.” I took a shuddering breath in and wiped my eyes.

The rest of the evening went much the same way as always: laughter, sometimes tears, support.

My girls.

Bex dropped me home to a quiet house. Olivia slept spread-eagled on her bed, the covers kicked off as usual, Zale’s entire body lay hidden under a mound of blankets.

He grunted when I climbed into bed beside him tugging for my share of the covers. “You good, baby?”

“I’m good,” I whispered. I curled against his warm, broad back, the sweet words from my sister and my best friend easing me gently into sleep.

Beautiful People

Mara

We were all going out tonight.

All of us. Zale, me, Rhys, Rebecca, Barrett, and Willa.

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