Page 66 of Breathe Again

“T stands for temperature. Instead of hurting yourself, you could try holding an ice cube. It will be uncomfortable, even hurt after a while, but it won’t cause damage. Would you be willing to try that?”

“I’ve tried that before. It’s not as satisfying, but I can try doing that instead.”

“I is for intense exercise. That can help with distress intolerance. You can pound out some jumping jacks or do some weights when you’re having difficulty coping with big feelings.”

“I have to do all of these?”

She shrugged. “See what works. But try to get into the habit of progressive muscle relaxation.”

“Okay. I’ll try to work that in. What about boundaries? How do I create strong boundaries with my mom?”

“We’ll get to working on boundaries later when you’re stronger, okay? Boundaries, true boundaries, require consequences, and I’m not sure you’re ready to reinforce those. Right now, I think we should focus on getting you to a healthier, calmer place, and working on your distress intolerance, so you’ll be able to defend your boundaries once you have them in place. Spend some time this week thinking about what your boundaries are, what issues are important to you.”

“Okay.” I said ‘okay’ a lot during this session. There was no help for it. I didn’t have a lot to add, it was all new information.

“There’s another concept, called REST. R stands for relax, E for evaluate, S for set an intention, and T for take action. When you are in a situation where you’re feeling intense negative emotions, or you find that you are suddenly in pain, mentally or physically, you REST. This means you Relax, get a bit of space and step away from the problem. Then you take a moment to evaluate, a super quicksurface analysis where you ask yourself what is happening to you at that moment. S is for setting an intention. Do you need ice? Do you need to do a relaxation exercise? Or something soothing, like take a bath, listen to music, or go for a walk? Then, T, take action. Slowly, mindfully, follow through with your intention.”

“This is going to be difficult.”

She nodded. “It’s new, it takes practice, and it doesn’t always work the first time. You keep RESTing until you’re feeling like the situation is resolved.”

“I’m going to need to take notes!”

“Yes!” Erin nodded emphatically. “Look up Martha Linehan. She’ll be your new best friend.”

I laughed. “Okay, I think I came across her name a few times when I was doing my research.”

“There’s a workbook I want you to get. It explains the concepts used by people who have Borderline Personality traits. The type of therapy doctors believe is most effective is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I’d like you to do your best to work through the book, at your own pace, and we’ll discuss what you’re doing in our sessions together.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“There will be information on what we talked about today in there as well for your review.”

Erin gave me the information I needed to order the book, booked my next appointment, and then I left, feeling much better than I thought I would.

When I got home, I got not just Bex, who had Olivia at the shelter that afternoon, but Willa as well. I hadn’t expected them to be there so early.

They both looked at me expectantly when I walked in. I smiled wryly. No time like the present, I guess.

“So? What’s going on, pretty lady?”

Willa rolled her eyes at Bex. “You okay, Mara? How did it go?”

I had told them I was going to counseling to deal with some stuff that I wasn’t ready to talk about. They were here to lend their support. Aggressively, apparently.

“You guys have time to stick around for a bit, I’ll share.”

Rebecca folded her hands on the table in front of her, a sassy look on her face. “I’ve got all night.”

“I’m good to stick around,” Willa added.

Willa looked worried. Bex looked ready for battle.

“Where’s Olivia?” I asked as I put my purse away and set my cell phone on the counter.

Bex replied, “She’s in the sunroom, drawing with Sirius. We were too loud for her, so she retreated. She’s had her macaroni and cheese,” she paused, “and a vanilla dip donut.”

Willa cleared her throat and Bex glared at her. “Okay! I got her a milkshake on the way home as well.”

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