Page 59 of Breathe Again

She was pacing, trying to work off the frustration.

“Want to hug mommy? A big, tight one?”

She looked at me warily, wanting what I was offering, but not yet wanting to let go of her anger. I opened my arms, she moved in. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly. After a minute or so, her body began to relax, and I moved us to lie down on the bed.

Fifteen minutes later, she took a deep breath and shifted to move away from me. I released her. Her face was still a mottled red, but she was calm.

“Will you call the internet now, Mommy?”

“Yes, I’ll call. What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to stay with you.”

“Okay.”

Sometimes after a meltdown Olivia wanted to be on her own, sometimes she wanted to be with me. This had been a short one overall, we were just hitting the forty-five-minute mark, but her moods had been up and down so much lately that it had taken its toll. I could smell the dinner and I hoped Willa or Bex had turned off the oven. I could still salvage dinner, once I finished on the phone, if they’d turned it off.

“I just need to check the oven.” Olivia’s brows snapped down. I spoke firmly, “Olivia, it’s important to make sure the smoke alarms don’t go off,” her expression cleared, “and then I’ll come back and call the internet.”

I took a deep breath on my way to the kitchen. The stove was off, and my girls had let themselves out. I loved my child, but lately it took everything out of me to be patient. I found a note on the counter.

Dinner is ready! Covered in the oven.

I peeked into the oven. The chicken, veggies, and mashed potatoes were all in a casserole dish, covered with a glass lid, ready to eat. My girls, my chickies. So good to me. I grabbed my cell phone and dashed off a quick thank you and sorry text to both, then went back to Olivia to fix the internet.

Button Pusher

Mara

“I haven't heard from you lately.”

It was Friday morning. I usually didn’t pick up the phone, unless it was a family member or Bex, who knew not to disturb me in the mornings unless absolutely necessary. I saw my maiden name on the call display, and although I doubted there was any kind of emergency, and Olivia and I were finally getting some work done, I couldn’t ignore the call and take that chance. She barreled into her complaint immediately withoutsaying hello.

“Mom, I spoke to you a couple of days ago. Remember? I asked you to pick up macaroni and cheese.”

“That’s right!” She chuckled. “My memory! Well, I haven’t heard from you lately when you’re not asking for something.”

She paused, seemed to be waiting. I nearly swallowed my tongue. I rarely asked anybody for anything. Except for Bex and Willa.

“Really, Mom? What have I asked for?”

I was gaining some clarity, seeing her manipulations for what they were, and I was feeling less confused after our conversations.

“Oh, you know, you need support sometimes. I don’t mind. You’re my baby girl. You’ll always be my baby.” I narrowed my eyes, but it was not worth following this line of conversation.

“What’s up, Mom?” The macaroni and cheese episode still irritated me, but I endeavored not to show it.

“Just wanted to chat with you.”

“I homeschool in the mornings, Mom.”

“You weren’t homeschooling the other morning when you asked me to get the macaroni and cheese.”

Now she remembers I called?

“You’re right, I wasn’t. I am now.”

“You know Mara, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it that’s the problem.”

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