Page 142 of Breathe Again

Thank you, God, he wasn’t angry with me.

I sighed, giving up trying to make sense of it all. I wasn’t going to figure it all out any time soon. I crawled across to him and laid my head on his chest, where I longed to be, careful to keep the rest of my body angled far away from his. He stretched his arm along my back, his hand finding my hip. He dropped a kiss on my head.

“Thank you, baby.”

“For what?” I muttered.

“A second chance.”

The next morning, I looked through my journal while drinking my morning coffee. I found the page where I’d taken note of what I liked, where I’d started working out my sense of self, and reviewed the list. The beach, of course, sex, reading, crafting, writing, gardening, and art. I was enjoying art more and more, particularlywith my work, I found the stories becoming simpler and the illustrations taking precedence, and I wasn’t even the illustrator.

I’d been thinking I’d like to try my hand at a story for tweens, a graphic novel, or my all-time dream, a full-length novel for adults. I’d always wanted to do that. I wrote it down. Putting pen to paper gave the goal a certain gravity.

Erin and I talked a lot about having goals, having direction, something positive to focus on. I added cooking to the list of likes, and more importantly, cooking for my loved ones.

I was like one of Olivia’s puzzles that she flipped picture side down, all the pieces were there, but the picture was concealed, and with every piece I turned right side up, a little bit more of me was revealed.

Tuesday we had therapy, played games with Olivia, went out for dinner this time instead of lunch, and puttered in the garden in the evening before bed. The warmth and light of the sun helped both Olivia’s and my moods. Sleep came easier. Tuesday night revealed a new song added to the playlist, my head on his pec, his hand on mine over his heart, my body aligned with his, breathing in his scent until I fell asleep.

Wednesday morning, he was lying perfectly still in bed beside me when I woke up with my breasts pressed against his side, my arm over his abdomen and my hand splayed over his heart, my fingerslightly flexing into the hard muscle of his chest. I had thrown my thigh high across his, and I was rocking my core against his thigh in my sleep, humming as I rubbed my face over the bristly hair on his big chest.

I came awake completely and froze, hoping he was still asleep, but knowing full well that he wasn’t. He was too still. That, and his hand clamped down hard on my hip.

My thoughts pinballed in my head. I slowly shifted a few inches away.

His voice, deep and husky with sleep, questioned, “You sure you don’t want to finish what you started?”

It took a moment before I could make myself shake my head.

He chuckled, squeezed my hip. “You know I can’t wait, right?”

He rolled, pressing us together, face-to-face. I felt his morning erection on my stomach and my legs parted of their own accord until I clamped them shut. He rocked against me, just once, and I couldn’t stop my back from arching, aching to get closer to him. A tiny moan betrayed me, and he chuckled again.

“I’ll tell you one thing, whenever it happens, it’s going to be fast, hopefully for both of us.”

“Me first.” I squeaked.

He laughed aloud, squeezed me hard. “Yes, baby, always take care of you first.”

A full body tremor shook me, and I peeked up at him from under my lashes. So beautiful. Morning stubble, dark eyes, darker still with desire, beautiful lips smiling, I dropped my forehead onto his chest, trapped between fear and desire.

“Mommy?”

Olivia’s voice came from down the hallway.

“There,” he murmured, dragging his palm down my back. “The decision has been made for you. You’re free for now.” He hugged me tightly and then released me just as Olivia made it to our door.

I turned. “Good morning, little bird.”

“Good. You’re still here. I’m going to get breakfast now.”

She left as quickly as she came.

I broke the silence. “Ouch.”

He harrumphed. “Yes, ouch, but honestly? She needs to depend on you a bit less. Hopefully, she’ll see that you weren’t here for a few days, and she survived.”

“I guess so.”

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