Page 13 of Breathe Again

Bex continued smiling. “I ordered the flowers, the floating paper lanterns, I think the kids will like those, the mobile petting zoo is booked, the catering is all settled…”

Willa and I hooted in unison, “What?! Did you say petting zoo?”

“Mobile petting zoo.” She pursed her lips. “It’s the kids’ day too you know! As soon as the ceremony is over we’ll take pictures, and then dinner. I’m changing out of my dress after dinner, I don’t care if Amelie and Cole get messy, they can change or not, whatever they choose, but I’m not getting marshmallow goop and ash from the fire pit on my dress.” She laughed again. She laughed a lot these days. “Rhys will probably have jeans and a t-shirt on underneath his suit and will strip right after dessert.” She smirked.

“A petting zoo,” I stated.

“Guys!” she exclaimed exasperated. “There’ll be a tent in the backyard in case it rains, and the petting zoo will only be there for a couple of hours after dinner for the kids. Olivia, Cole, and Amelie will love it. It’ll make the day memorable and fun for them, too.”

“It’s a great idea.” I faked a disgruntled look at Willa. “She’s going to win the Best Mom Award.”

“Cheers,” Willa lifted her glass. “Both of you take motherhood to a new level. Your children are blessed. Truly.”

Our visit wound up quickly and I sent them on their way, with cookies, of course.

Recriminations

Mara

When Zale got home I served up our meal and he raved over it. It wasn’t until I gave him a giant heart-shaped cookie after dinner that he remembered it was Valentine’s Day. He slapped his hand around the back of his neck, peering up at me from under his brow.

“I forgot.”

I pasted on a smile. “It’s okay, it doesn’t matter.”

“Sorry, baby.” He looked sorry, and I felt ashamed for wanting to be romanced. Ashamed that I wanted something that was obviously not forthe likes of me.

The sting of threatening tears hit my eyes and I stood quickly, grabbing my glass off the table to put in the dishwasher. I blinked them back. It wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t need all the romantic trappings. I quickly changed the subject and sat back down, breaking off a piece of his cookie and popping it in my mouth.

After finishing his cookie together, he and I puttered around the kitchen, chatting quietly, getting a cup of tea for me and a glass of wine for him, and I made his lunch for the next day. He walked back and forth across the kitchen, touching me often as he always did, a hand to my hip, a brief touch of my hand, a kiss on the back of my neck. That was my favorite, when he moved my hair to the side and pressed his firm mouth and his scruffy five o’clock shadow against the back of my neck.

We slipped into bed, and he flicked on the tv.

“Zale?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I need you.”

He looked surprised. “I’m here, gorgeous.”

“No, baby, I need you. Between-my-thighs, need you.”

His face closed a tiny bit, and the blade of his rejection cut me deeply. I sucked in a slow breath, fearfully anticipating his coming words.

He looked at me with a small smile, then sighed. “I’m tired, Mara, that’s all. We’ll get back on track.”

“I don’t understand why we’re even off track. Sex is good, isn’t it?”

“Of course.” He squeezed my hand. “I love being with you.”

I did not understand. If sex is good, and he ‘loved’ being with me, why wasn’t he?

I tried again. “For me, sex with you is the highlight of my day. It makes the day better, it’s not something that is a chore.”

His eyebrows snapped together in the middle.

“Mara, let’s not go back to that space. We’ve got to be past this by now. I can’t be on all the time. I’m worried about Olivia, I thought we’d have made more progress with her by this point, and I’m honestly worried that I’ll never be able to make enough money to look after her after I’m gone.” He took a breath. “Work is a mess. I’ve got staffing problems that I can’t solve because there’s a hiring freeze, which indicates a restructuring is coming. I’m a bit more concerned with keeping my job so you and Olivia are okay than keeping up with your sex drive at the moment.”

---