Page 114 of Breathe Again

I ruined everything, and I would continue to ruin everything. I ruined us too, with my demands and my need for sex and my crazy jealousy. I needed to cut him loose.

“I’m too much, Zale, too much and never enough. Too much and never enough, baby. I’m so sorry for you. I’m so sorry, for you, you deserve so much better than me.”

Zale

Zale felt the blood in his veins turn to ice, her voice sounded off, flat.

“I’m coming, gorgeous, just hold on, baby. I’m coming right now.”

“It’s okay, Zale, I don’t need you. I’ll look after myself this time,” she replied in that same, strange, flat, voice and ended the call.

He used that opportunity to call Willa, as he ran full out to his car, talking to her as he ran, telling her that Mara’s in a bad way. Fortunately, Willa was out with Rhys and Rebecca, and they were already in Rhys's truck. Rhys turned the truck around as they spoke and headed straight for Zale’s place. He asked Willa to call Dean and tell him to hang onto Olivia for the evening.

Hanging up with Willa, he immediately called Mara back, but she didn’t answer her cell. His heart hammered against his ribs.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” He pounded the steering wheel, frustration and fear colliding.

Fifteen minutes later Zale flew through the front door, throwing his wallet and keys toward the pelican and missing. He tracked the godawful keening to the family room but couldn't immediately see her. He found her on the floor between the couch and the side table, rocking with her hands wrapped in her hair, pulling it tight then releasing it, over and over, her face soaked with tears.

He rushed toward her. “Sweetheart, what’s happening…”

She screamed in fear, not expecting to see anyone, then held her hand out to hold him off. “Noooo…..” she moaned, “you’re not supposed to see this...you stay away. I’ll save myself this time.”

He reached for her, and her eyes went wild, she screamed again and yanked viciously on her hair. His eyes widened as well; his fear reflected in the sheen of tears that coated them.

“Okay, baby, I’ll stay back.” He stepped back a step, shocked at the state of his wife. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Her beautiful hair stood out in a frizzy mess, her face tear-streaked, red, and mottled, her whole body trembled so violently he feared she was having a seizure.

“Where’s Olivia?” She asked, suddenly terrified.

“She’s with Dean, they’re going to keep her….”

Mara started shaking her head back and forth, moaning out the word no. She struggled to get up, Zale started toward her to help, and she yelled at him, her shaking hand holding him off. “No, you. No. You!”

He linked his hands behind his neck and looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. She wriggled out of her place and started pacing, making a wide arc around him, keeping her eye on him, heading toward the front door.

She stopped and faced him, her eyes pleading. “They can’t have her Zee,” she sobbed. “I’ll be better, they can’t have her.”

“Of course, they can’t have her, my baby, of course they can’t. They’re just going to look after her for tonight, so you can relax, and we can talk.”

Mara continued her pacing, keeping him where she could see him, sobbing, crying, talking, and struggling to take a breath.

She stopped suddenly, her hands to her chest. “I can’t breathe…”

Zale stepped forward, he had to get to her, she threw up one hand again, warning him off with her eyes, struggling to get air.

“Please let me come to you, Mara,” he pleaded, his voice torn ragged at the state she was in, falling apart right in front of him. He stepped closer.

“Stay away from me!” she shrieked, viciously pulling her own hair.

He swiped a hand across his face and felt his own tears. Infuriated with the situation, with himself for misreading it, feeling helpless, hopeless, and clueless. Looking at her in this moment, he’d do anything to reach her.

She stopped moving suddenly, facing him, but not seeing him, her words directed inwards. “I can’t calm down… I can’t calm down… I can’t calm down…”

Bex and Willa heard her shrieking from the driveway and took off running for the house, finding Mara, with her back to the front door, her hands in her hair, sobbing and chanting, “I can’t calm down…”

Lost in her despair, Mara didn’t register the front door opening.

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