Page 67 of Breathe Again

I laughed. After dealing with my mother’s refusal to pick up a box of Kraft dinner, I could not for a single moment complain about these two spoiling my little bird. “Lucky little birdy.”

I went to see Olivia and ignored the worried looks passing between my best friend and my sweet sister. I’d put their minds at ease in a moment, or not, considering what I had to tell them.

Olivia was happy I was home, but more than content to sit on her own. I headed back to the firing squad and sat at the table with Bex. Willa filled the kettle at the sink.

“Want a tea, Merry?”

“Love one, honey.”

I sat down and met Rebecca’s worried gaze. “I’ll tell you everything. All of it. Just wait for Willa, okay?”

She looked relieved. “Okay. I’ve known something is wrong for a while. I’m glad you’re ready to talk.”

“Ready?” I snorted. “I don’t know if I’d say I’m ready, it’s really tough actually, but it’s necessary.”

Willa came to the table and sat between Bex and I, big blue eyes skipping over my face, worried.

“I’m okay, Willa.” I assured her softly. She nodded but didn’t look convinced.

“So.” I took a breath. “I used to have a problem dealing with my anger, back in the days when Zale and I were first getting serious. Do you guys remember that?”

“I remember.” Bex grinned. “You were passionate. There were things thrown at Zale’s head if I’m remembering correctly.”

I winced. This was, unfortunately, true.

“I remember you getting mad and slamming your bedroom door and not talking to him at times. I remember you being upset if he went out,” added Willa.

My cheeks burned with shame. “Yesss, so, there’s a reason I guess you could say, for all of that.”

I turned to Willa. “You know how Mom has narcissistic personality disorder?”

“Yes.”

“The apple didn’t fall too far from the tree,” I confessed.

Willa scoffed. “You are not a narcissist.”

I nodded in agreement.

“Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one of ten personality disorders. OCD is another one, Schizoid, Paranoid, Anti-Social, are some of the other ones. There are ten in total. I’ve been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Issues. He said I don’t have the full-blown disorder.”

I’d started out strong but by the time I got to the end of my spiel the last words were barely audible and my face was on fire.

I felt rather than saw Bex sit back in her chair. I cringed inside, wondering what she was thinking. Willa sat staring at me, looking dumbfounded and lost.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, staring into her eyes.

She gave her head a shake. “You’re sorry?”

“Yes.”

Bex stood and moved to the kettle to finish making the tea. She’d yet to say anything. I was afraid to look at her.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Willa regained her composure quickly. “You’re going to have to educate me on how this affects you. I know a bit about Borderline, but I’ll know everything I need to know to best support you.”

“I have a paper I printed out for Zale. I’ll get you a copy, I’ll do it right now.”

I needed to get out of the kitchen. In the sunroom I took deep, supposedly calming, breaths while I waited for the printout for Willa. I didn’t get one for Bex. She hadn’t said anything yet.

---