Page 169 of Breathe Again

My throat felt thick, but I didn’t shut down. I was getting used to accepting compliments and even, gasp, praise.

“I hope you guys know that I could not have done it without you.”

“Oh, no,” Bex interrupted, “you would have. It just would have taken you longer.”

Willa nodded her head, but I shook mine.

“No, not just the writing, all of it, my mental health, my still-in-progress but progressing recovery, getting my life back together, even better than before...as well as the book. I could not have done it without you guys.”

They closed around me, both hugging me. I soaked it up. There were sounds of sniffles, and they weren’t coming from me for once.

“Um, excuse me, but am I getting a snack?”

We broke apart, laughing, and Willa swiped under her eyes. “I’ll get right on that, Birdy.”

After Olivia settled, we sat down at the table.

“Not to be a bummer, but how are things going with Mom?”

“Ah, well, you were right, Willa.”

“What happened, chickie?” Bex asked, her eyebrows raised, “does this woman not learn?”

“We had positive texting, then we had two positive visits, then I saw her a few days ago and she went off on one of her rants, with Olivia there to witness it, unfortunately.” I shrugged.

“You okay?” Willa asked gently.

“You know what, I am. I really am. Zale and I wanted the relationship for Olivia, but it’s hard not to compare, seeing what she gets from you and Bex, how she’s treated by Rhys and Barrett, those are the kinds of relationships she needs. Did you know even Barrett visits her when she’s at the shelter?” Something flickered in Willa’seyes at the mention of Barrett. I noted it for later. “She gets care and compassion from all of you. With Bea, she’s little more than a prop, and I worry about how Bea will treat her when she’s no longer useful.” I shrugged. “My mother is who and what she is, and I find that her opinion of me does not matter anymore.”

“Really?” Willa seemed doubtful.

“Really,” I replied firmly. “I’m not saying I’m not sad about it, I’m not saying I don’t wish things could be different, but they are how they are, there are a million reasons why they are how they are, and I can’t do anything to change any of it. Not if I want to maintain my boundaries, which I do. It’s her responsibility to look after herself, no matter how many times she tries to make it mine. I firmly believe that now. I’m not even that mad anymore.”

Both Bex and Willa relaxed back in their chairs, but something on Willa’s face alerted me.

“Did she go after you, Willa?”

Willa laughed. “She left me a lovely message.”

“You don’t deserve her,” I stated.

For the first time in almost a decade I saw a wavering doubt in Willa’s gaze.

I reached for her hand. “You don’t deserve her. She certainly doesn’t deserve you. Don’t give her any room in your head.”

“I know that,” she whispered. “Sometimes it’s just hard to remember.”

“We have a fucked-up family, chickie.”

She laughed. “That we do.”

“So! Tell me about this fundraiser. I think I’d like to help.”

Before Willa could answer, my cell rang. I glanced at the display. Nerves no longer attacked my stomach when the phone rang, although seeing Zale’s name on the display caused a small flutter.

“Hey, Zee.”

“Hey, gorgeous. Did you do it?”

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