Page 104 of Breathe Again

I did my paced breathing.

I journaled.

I listened to my sleep meditation.

I finally slept, and I slept all the way through the night until Zale got up for work.

Beautiful Mess

Mara

Wednesday morning, I let Olivia sleep in a bit longer than usual. I had gotten up with Zale after a really good sleep, and I’d already put in a couple of hours of work on my next book.

I sipped my second cup of coffee, curled up on the couch reading, for fun. Yay! I loved reading but rarely took the time. Once I got into a good book, I tended to ignore all my responsibilities, only wanting to get to the happily ever after. Because I’d just cut down on my responsibilities for a couple of weeks, and I needed to increase self-care, I could afford to lose myself in a book…or two.

Olivia and I baked cookies and homemade bread, chatting quietly together in the kitchen about whatever topics crossed Olivia’s mind. Once the cookies cooled enough to eat we indulged ourselves, and Olivia asked if we could deliver one to Gran-Gran.

Of course. Today of all days. Well, I did say I’d try to visit her today, so I’d take this as a sign to do just that. We ate lunch and then, while Olivia lost herself in her Zen Garden, I picked up my cell and went to my bedroom to make the call.

“Hello?” Her tone had not softened.

“Hi, mom.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t be like that,” I chided. ‘You were out of line.” I hurried before she could interrupt.

“Would you like a short visit this afternoon?”

“I’m busy.”

“That’s good. What are you doing?”

“Nothing. I’m just not feeling like company.”

“Okay, fair enough.” She wanted to make her point.

“Come tomorrow. I’m available tomorrow.”

I understood her game now. She either wanted me to throw over Olivia’s time at the shelter or spend my alone time with her as a show of loyalty.

“I can’t on Thursdays, Mom. I told you this before.”

“Well, I can’t today.”

“If that’s what you want…”

“What I want is a little respect from my children.”

I decided I’d try again. “Did you hear what I told you yesterday, Mom?”

“Oh, ho,” she huffed. “I heard a lot of distasteful things yesterday.”

“Did you hear me say my doctor is concerned about my blood pressure? That I need to take some down time?”

“Everybody has blood pressure problems these days. Don’t be so dramatic.”

My efforts were pointless. “I can see I made a mistake in calling. I will call you in two weeks. Hopefully, I’ll feel better then, and this will no longer be an issue.”

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