Page 103 of Breathe Again

“What do you care? You care more about them than your own mother! You and Willa both, selfish and self-centered, leaving me here alone all the time, I can’t even visit because of that filthy cat Willa coerced you into taking...”

Zale plucked the phone out of my hand, held it to his ear and listened. His face darkened ominously, and his voice was gritty when he spoke.

“Bea? You’ve got Zale.”

Her voice went up an octave, I could hear her clear as a bell.

“Zale! How are you? I was just complaining to Mara that I don’t get to see her nearly as often as I’d like…”

He cut her off again. “Save it. I heard more than enough. You just heard your daughter tell you she’s having problems with her blood pressure, and she needs to rest, and all she got from you was a bitter tirade.”

“No, no, you misunderstood…”

His jaw ticking, his full lips drawn thin, he interrupted her again. “Maybe so, but you make sure you understand what I’m about to say next. You are never to speak like that to my wife, not ever. You speak to her like that again, you won’t speak to her at all.”

Bea had had enough, outraged that he dared to tell her what to do. “That is my daughter you’re talking about, and I’ll speak to her how I want to.”

“Not anymore.” She tried to speak again, but he continued, “Mara will call you back when she’s ready to talk to you. Hopefully, that will give you time to cool off and consider your options. Goodnight, Bea.”

He closed the phone without waiting for a response and turned to find Willa and myself standing with our mouths hanging open.

“What?” he growled. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with your mother but she’s out to fucking lunch.”

“Nothing’s wrong with her, Zee, that’s the way she talks when you’re not around.” Willa answered softly.

His mouth twisted in disgust. “Fuck me, what a headcase. I know the things she says, somehow I didn’t imagine her saying them like that.”

He stalked off toward our bedroom shaking his head. “Mara, you don’t call her until you’re ready, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir!”

I saluted smartly, eliciting a laugh from Willa. I was a bit shocked, never having seen Zale speak to anybody like that. I’d never had anyone stand up for me to my mother before. It was usually me sticking up for Willa, and Olivia, and anyone else who hit her radar. Weirdly, baby Mara peeked out of her hiding spot deep inside me, wondering if it was safe to come out yet.

He stuck his head back in from the hallway. “I should be so lucky to have that kind of obedience from you.”

He gave me his half smile, a supreme effort considering his current level of pissed, and went to watch tv in our room.

“Wow,” Willa breathed, “too bad we didn’t put him on the phone years ago.”

“She had better control years ago, and she’s tweaked lately because I haven’t been reacting to her digs like I normally would.”

“It’s going to get worse, Mara. When narcissists sense they are losing control, they up the drama, sometimes making you the villain, and them the victim. Please don’t let it bother you. Maybe give it a couple of weeks before you call her.”

“Maybe.”

There was no real question, my anxiety was already sharpening her claws. Was she sad? Did we hurt her feelings? Was she angry? I’d rather she be angry than sad, although her anger made my stomach sick. I’d call her tomorrow. Maybe go over for a quick visit with Olivia, explain, tell her it’s not just her I’m taking a break from, and then I’d take two weeks at home. I shouldn’t try to appease her, but she did just receive a shock, one that might make her think, and I hated the thought of her being sad and alone.

“Don’t feel sorry for her, Mara. She doesn’t feel sorry for you.”

I nodded. There was no disputing that. “That’s a fact.”

After Willa left, when Olivia fell asleep, while Zale dozed in bed beside me, I pulled out my folders and my cue cards. I found the ones I needed, the ones pertaining to my relationship with my mother.

You will never have the mother you want or deserve. She lives in an alternate reality and twists situations to suit her view of herself. Spend your energy on making changes you can control.

You are responsible for your actions and the consequences of your actions. She is responsible for her actions and the consequence of her actions.

This moment is exactly as it should be considering everything that has happened up until now.

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