Page 60 of Crimson Flames

My brows pinch. “No.”

“Then how is it your fault that your crazed ex-fiancé shot you?”

Raising my shoulders, I tense. “Because I should have seen it coming.”

“Because you’re obviously psychic with the clear ability to do so.”

That makes me laugh, and I kind of hate her for it. Not really, but I want to. She has this way of validating my feelings while also pointing out how unreasonable some of them are.

She never tells me not to feel that way, but instead helps my brain learn why it shouldn't feel that way.

“Just,” Letting out a heavy breath I sink back into the chair, “Just tell me how I should be feeling. What should it be like?”

She leans forward and takes my hand. “First, it is supposed to hurt. That pain will make the days seem longer, and the things you once loved feel pointless. Much like you’re feeling now.”

Looking down at where she squeezes my hand, I squeeze back. “Then, you’re going to change. The agony this life can bring upon us is capable of destroying anyone. It can decimate your sense of self, your yearning to live and love. It has the capability to take away everything you are. But, do you want to know the secret?”

I nod my head frantically, needing to know how to get past this as my vision blurs over.

“The pain can turn your life upside down if you let it. But, if you stop and take all of those feelings and confront them, cutting them down at the root, you can grow a garden more beautiful than Persephone herself.”

Tears fall as I look up at her, cloudy vision making me feel like I’m swirling under water.

“I don’t want it to destroy me.”

A soft smile touches her lips as her hand gently squeezes my shoulder. “We won’t let that happen. You’ll have to work for this, but I think I have an idea.”

Taking a few deep breaths, I gain my composure.

“Okay, what’s that?”

“You guys need to take a vacation.”

Chapter 23

Never in my life would I have said I needed a damn shrink. But after two months with this Dr. K lady, I have to admit we need this woman.

I didn’t think it was possible to let go of all the anger and resentment in my life, but man, do I feel light as a fecking feather now. There are still moments where I feel crushed by the lack of control I had for the majority of my life, but it’s so much better than it was before.

I thought saying goodbye to our daughter was going to completely break us, given the way Nessa clung to our bodieswhen we got back from her memorial. Yet, she surprised me. Hell, she surprised everyone. She hasn’t been perfect, but none of us ever expected that from her.

Nessa has made an effort to be present for everything, though. She makes meals with the kids and helps teach them new things during the day. She even takes some of them on short jogs around the property in the evenings. At night, Kai, Boris, and I settle in her room in front of the window to watch our little flame flicker in the night.

It’s not what I would have wanted for us, but it’s something I have come to appreciate.

Kai and I have grown close. We train together a lot, and even though Nessa, Evie, and Laney try to stop us from training the kids with weapons, we still do. Or at least, Boris and I agreed to train Kai in whatever way he asked.

Kai has gotten pretty good with a knife and has been learning some great sleight of hand moves lately. The kid absorbs information like a sponge. Boris was telling him about how businesses can be both profitable while still fully funding charities. I nearly fell right the feck to sleep.

Not Kai though, no. For a minute, it was like they spoke the same old man language. It freaked me out a bit. What really had my jaw dropping was when Kai pointed out a new strategy for marketing the oil enterprise Boris runs.

Not going to lie, I think Boris loved Kai more than Nessa in that moment. Don’t worry though, I’ll keep that bit just between us.

Truth be told, I love having the kid around and really enjoy seeing the way Boris is with him. He’s not as uptight as he is with me. In fact, he treats Kai more like an adult than he has ever treated me.

I’m not bitter, per se. Okay, maybe just an itsy bit. But not really.

When Boris is happy and thriving, Nessa is too, which means so am I. Kai also seems to be finding his groove with us, and that makes me really happy. He feels like family in the same way that the others do.

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