Page 56 of Crimson Flames

Adrian reaches for my hand and squeezes.

“Can you please tell us what you mean by that? Because what we’re hearing is that we’re not good enough or that something is wrong with us.”

He’s so calm. Adrian has done a lot of work with Dr. K to process feelings related to his family abandoning him and trying to kill me. He has always been the level-headed one. While I jump into things head first with every ounce of my being, Adrian takes it one toe at a time, assessing every inch of water before going deeper.

I think that’s why we make a perfect pair. He knows when to tell me to slow down, and I know when to tell him to speed up. Dr. K places a hand over her heart, her face cracking into a sorrowful frown.

“I’m so sorry my words caused that feeling to arise in you. That was not my intention at all. What I mean by ‘not ready’ is that the girls are still very focused on their trauma. Adoption is hard because the attachment disruption by itself is trauma. Ani and Ami also have several other adverse childhood experiences, which adds more layers to an already difficult situation. Their speech, their minds, and beliefs have all been formed by trauma.”

I nod my head in defeat, knowing what she’s saying is true. I would hate to hurt the girls by making a move too quickly for them.

“I understand your reasoning here,” Adrian says as tears threaten to escape my eyes. Hope really is a horrible thing. “However, I have a counter to your thoughts.”

I tilt my head in surprise and Dr. K pinches her brows. “Alright.”

“These girls have been through a lot and we understand that. We know what it’s like to have your true self suppressed for another’s gain. While the root of their trauma is much deeper than ours, I think that giving them a stable environment to grow and heal in with consistent, supportive adults would be better for their recovery.”

My mouth drops open and Dr. K nods thoughtfully. “You’re not wrong there.”

“We understand they still have healing to do, that they probably always will, and we want to be there for them. Not as white knights or heroes, but as parents who will acknowledge their hurt and their struggle and love them through it.”

I can’t help myself. The tears fall and I wrap my arms around Adrian, practically folding myself into him. He squeezes me back lovingly.

When I sit back, I look at Dr. K. “We have been there for them for a few weeks now, and we want to be there for them throughall of it. The nightmares, the speech therapy, and even when they decide to try and scratch another kid’s eyes out for taking their toy. We want to be there, cheer them on, hold them when they cry, and make sure they know they have support for every emotion in between.”

A soft smile crosses Dr. K’s features before she writes a few things in her notebook.

“They are going to need therapy three times a week with me,” she says, pulling her laptop out and turning it on. “I have appointments for them for speech therapy twice a week. It will take me two or three days to draw up the paperwork and finalize it with the system Boris has put in place.”

I stare at her, dumbfounded. “Wait, you’re saying yes?”

She chuckles under her breath as mine all but leaves my lungs. “Yes. Your growth and acknowledgements have shown me that I do not need to worry. Trauma leaves scars, ones that don’t always fade. You understand and clearly already respect that.”

I wrap my arms around Adrian in an awkward side tackle that makes him breathe out a laugh.We are going to be parents. We’re going to have the family we always dreamed about.

“I love you,” I nearly shout, slamming my lips to his.

I’m certain he says ‘I love you too’, even if I can’t make out the words.

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I’m glad Dr. K gave us a realistic expectation of this situation because nothing has gone to plan. Adrian and I talked to Ami and Ani, and they agreed to come home with us once the paperwork went through. We told them they could call us whatever they wanted, but they tend to just point to us when they need us.

We couldn’t wait to show them their new room decked out in dinosaurs and princesses. Yet, they seemed scared of everything we got them. I had new bunnies sitting on their beds, but it only made them hold their dirty one tighter.

Every battle for the past three weeks has felt hard won, but I can see they’re adjusting. Meal times are the best. They both love sitting at the table and eating with us. We try to tell them stories so they can get to know us, and they seem genuinely interested.

Bedtime is a nightmare. Bath time goes great, but when we put them to bed, all hell breaks loose. If one of them is crying, the other is huddled in the back of the closet scared. Nightmares take place about every ninety minutes through the night, and I swear this is harder than a newborn.

But we wouldn’t change it for the world.

Hence, why we decided to make a very big change in our lives today.

“Are you girls ready to see your special surprise?” Adrian asks as we walk up to a small building. It looks more like a private home than an establishment, giving everything a quaint feeling.

“Yes,” they both answer together. Taking each other’s hands, they follow Adrian inside while I hold up the back of the group. When their eyes land on their new roommate, they look at us with confusion.

“Girls,” I say as I take a seat next to the very large Doberman, slightly older than Az, “this is Bella, your new doggie.”

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