Page 28 of Crimson Flames

Laney gives me another drink, and this time I adjust the bed to sit up and hold the cup for myself.

“She knew you, your voice, your comfort, and your warmth. And when you see her again, she will have only known the good. Some could argue that is the better of the options.”

That was what I thought when I was thinking of aborting her, so why has my mind changed so much?

Maybe because you let yourself fall in love with her.That voice in my head whispers.

“It still hurts,” I whisper.

Laney places a hand on my thigh.

“Then let it hurt, Nessa. No one is telling you to get up and move on. None of us are ever going to forget that little girl, even if we only had a day to love her.”

“Really?”

“Did you have a name picked out?” Evie asks, and I nod.

“I never got to tell them, but I picked Aiden. I picked it before I even knew she was a girl. It means ‘little fire’.”

I smile as I think of my little redhead running circles around me. Maybe this is my punishment for believing in a future for her. Maybe this was the universe’s way of ensuring none of us procreate in this life.

I never could have kept her safe. I was naive to believe she was ever truly protected, even in my stomach.

Laney and Evie sit with me for a while. I tell them how I didn’t see the shooter but saw his gun. I give Evie all of the details so that maybe Lev can trace it. It was a rare gun, and I feel like I’ve seen it somewhere before, but my mind just can’t connect the dots.

It’s like there is a block in my head where anything traumatic is shut out while I process my new reality.

“Want to tell us why your men are sitting on the floor outside the room?” Laney asks.

I sigh. I already told them about the no more kids thing, but I didn’t tell them that I kicked everyone out.

“I told them to leave after Doc explained I can’t have more kids. I just wasn’t ready to see the disappointment in their faces.”

“Disappointment?” Evie questions.

I shrug. “They were the ones who wanted a baby.”

Laney and Evie exchange a look.

“What?” I snap, hating when they do this. It’s like they have their own secret language.

“They only wanted Aiden because she was yours. I think all they want now is to be with you.”

I look out the window because I’m not so sure.

“Hey,” Evie says as she stands. I don’t want them to leave.

They make the chaos in my heart feel organized. I don’t want the boxes to tip over again.

“Ness, can Alexi talk to you for a minute?”

My head snaps to her because that was the last thing I expected her to ask.

“Why?”Does he want to yell at me for losing the baby? His little sister?

Evie shrugs her shoulders. “He doesn’t process his feelings well, especially when they’re big. I think he liked the idea ofhaving a half sibling; now that she’s gone, he doesn't know how to feel.”

“And I’m supposed to help with that?” I say, pointing to myself.

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