Page 18 of Crimson Flames

“No, Father.” He takes a step back. “You have a choice to make. We are all grieving. I allowed you to push me away when we lost Mother, but I will not allow you to do the same to Nessa. You will be better, or there will be consequences.”

I scoff at him, my body tensing, ready for a fight.

“You are not one to offer me consequences, Son.”

Alexi stands tall, adjusting the sleeves of his suit before reaching out and holding Evie’s hand.

“I am the leader of the Bratva now. Evie runs the Mafie Society. If you mess with our family, I can assure you we will use our power to exile you. Is that what you want?”

It feels like I am being attacked when I was the one who just lost a child. My hands shake with anger, but their words hit home. I tighten my lips, gritting my teeth to hold back the rage and sorrow. Instead I look at Dr. K and she nods, jingling her car keys as she moves to leave.

“I need to speak with Kai this morning, now that I’ve helped the children with breakfast. I’ll drive you.”

Before we leave, Lev walks up to me with pity in his eyes and places a hand on my shoulder.

“We understand your pain, Boris. Because of this, we are trying to help you not make a difficult situation worse.”

I pat his hand with mine, incapable of words at the moment. To be a coward is simpler. To hide and walk away is the easy choice. Neither of those things are who I am, nor are they what Nessa deserves right now.

“Even sitting in the silence is enough,” he whispers before walking back into the room.

Chapter 6

It’s not the pain that registers first, nor the warm body pressed against me. It’s not the realization that I’m in the hospital, or that I’m even alive.

The first thing I notice is that I feelempty.

My hand rests over my stomach, a bandage just beneath my fingers, and I know without a doubt that my little girl is gone.

I can’t bring myself to open my eyes. Because if I do, then this is real. I’ll be living in a world where I couldn’t do the one thing I promised the moment I decided to keep our little girl. I couldn’t protect my child.

I can feel the tears running down my face as I try to remain silent. Cillian’s scent lets me know that he’s here, but I’m not ready for him to know I’m awake.I’mnot even ready to be awake.

So I sit there, in silence, as the hollowness slowly fills me.

I don’t know who did this, all I saw was the gun, and my first instinct was to protect that little boy. He tried to move so fast, to be the thing that stood between me and a threat. But I couldn’t let him do it.

I had to make a choice, and that choice led me here. I don’t regret saving him. I just wish I didn’t have to choose between one life or another.

That’s all we do is choose. Do we want loneliness or pain? Fighting or shooting? Chaos or war?

Will it ever just end?

Cillian moves beside me, his chin resting on my shoulder. I can feel his eyes on me as I refuse to open mine.

Not yet. I’m not ready yet.

“It’s okay, Love. Just come back to me when you’re ready.”

His hoarse voice saying just what I needed to hear has a sob ripping from my throat.

“It hurts,” I say, trying to find a way to make my reality disappear. I still can’t open my eyes. Instead, I curl into him. My abdomen screams with pain, but I ignore it as Cillian pulls me close.

“Do you need more pain medication?” His body twists as if to call out for a nurse, but I pull him back to me.

“No. I just need you. Both of you.”

His arm squeezes around my back, and that’s when I feel it. That sense of home, of rightness, of wholesome happiness I feel when Boris and Cillian surround me is incomplete.

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