Page 44 of Crimson Flames

“Hey, Cil,” Kai says, dragging me from my thoughts.

“What’s up?” I look over at him, watching him scan the trees around us before turning to face me.

“I have a weird feeling that something bad is about to happen.”

The worry in his features is evident, and it seems he’s been keeping it to himself because I didn’t see it until now. Until he wanted me to.

“Whatever it is, we’ll face it together.” It’s a vow to him as much as it is to myself. I have a family now, and these kids are slowly becoming part of that.

“That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t want Nessa getting hurt again.”

I’m usually an asshole. I know it; everyone knows it. But with Kai, I want to be someone different. I want to be someone he can rely on to say these things to without fear of being dismissed.The way he cares for Nessa after the horrors he’s been through makes me want to be better for him.

“Pain is just a part of life. As long as we’re there for her, however she needs us, that’s what matters.”

He puts his hands in his pockets and looks down at the grass, kicking a few leaves.

“What if we aren’t here to help her through it?”

Ah, this makes more sense. He is afraid she will lose us and then be lost herself.

I sigh and pull on the ends of my hair, making it stick up in all directions. “I won’t lie to you, kid. We’re planning to take down a bad man with more connections than we could be aware of. There’s a lot of risk to what we do every day, and there will always be a possibility we don’tallcome back.”

He sniffles and I step closer. Still not looking up at me, he kicks at the grass again, digging his toe into the dirt.

“But like you told Nessa, we have to hold onto the good while we can and deal with the bad when it comes, right?”

He finally looks up at me, his face flushed and red. “I don’t want to have to say goodbye to anyone else.”

Without thought, I pull him in for a hug.

What? I can totally be sentimental.

“I will do everything in my power to make sure you never have to.”

His arms wrap around me tightly, squeezing until I can hardly breathe, but I don’t try to move away. In some ways, maybe my heart needed this too.

When he finally loosens his grip, I let him step back first. Dr. K walked us through a few methods for helping the kids if they decide to hug us or show affection. She said it was important that we let them lead, so long as we were in a mental place that allowed it.

I think it has been really helpful for Kai to know that we aren’t going to pull away from him.

“Thanks,” he says gently as I pat him on the back.

“I could always use a hug.”

He shoves at me playfully. “You’re clearly starved of attention.”

I laugh, shoving him back. “I am in desperate need of validation,” I joke with my hand over my heart.

Kai grins at me before looking towards the road. A large truck is coming up the main road. We both quickly recognize it as our food and supply truck.

“Race ya?” I say, taking off before he can answer.

It isn’t long before he passes me, then he turns and jogs backwards with his middle fingers up while dashing to help the driver bring in our delivery.

Such a good kid.

I, on the other hand, am out of breath and panting before I make it to the truck. I struggle to bring in a few things, but before I head out for another load, the driver says it will only take one more trip.

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