Page 80 of Crimson Tears

Cillian nods, and I put my hand on his shoulder to guide him in the right direction until he begins to follow.

It is not my hospital because we needed to get to one closer to our current location, but I have contacts here. I send a message to a business partner and make my way upstairs. This hospital is state of the art and used by some advanced trainees who created a full program here dedicated to advancing medical technology. It is set up kind of like a school on some of the upper floors and contains a few suites for guests to stay in.

It’s not till we are through the doors of the larger hotel-like suite that he finally looks at me.

“We almost lost her,” he chokes out. He is not crying, but I see the way he fights back the tears.

I will not be able to stay composed if I have to watch him fall apart. “You shower first. I will get us coffee.”

“You and I need to have a talk, Old Man.” His nostrils flare in frustration, and I pinch the bridge of my nose in response.

“Yes, we do. However, while she is away from us, I am not capable of having this conversation.”

He walks up to me, crowding my space. “Then, as soon as we are done here, we go to her. Both of us. And we don’t let anything pull us away again. Deal?”

I have so many questions for him, so much more I need to know and understand. Almost everything about this situation between the three of us confuses me.

However, one thing is crystal clear. She needs us. Both of us. And I need to be there for her.

So, as much as I wish to fight with this kid and yell out all of my confusion and frustration so that someone can help me make sense of it, I hold back.

Nodding, I take a step to the door.

“Showers. Then coffee. Then when she is in my arms again–,” Cillian clears his throat, clearly agitated by the comment. “Our arms again.”

He nods his approval, and I want to roll my eyes but refrain. “Then I will have this conversation with you.”

I grab the door handle and turn, but before I can leave the room, he stops me.

“She asked about you every time she woke up.”

Emotions threaten to choke me.

“And every time I assured her that you would be there. Don’t make me a feckin’ liar, Old Man.”

Before I can make my escape, the bathroom door slams shut. I knew I had hurt her, caused her fear and pain. But I have a feeling that those worries of hers run much deeper than I ever could have thought. And I regret ever walking away.

???

I gaze out the window at the beautiful landscape before me. The hospital is fifteen stories high, and I am in the middle one where the cafeteria is, getting our second cups of coffee now that I am freshly showered.

I drank the first before I brought the kid his cup, and when I stepped out of the bathroom Doc had his nurse call to say it was going to be a little longer but that everything was okay.

I could not find the strength to sit with Cillian in silence and just wait, so I offered to get us more coffee. He merely shrugged when I asked if he wanted one.

Sitting still was not an option, so I got up and left, my mind racing with so many thoughts. It was as if my body was moving on auto pilot, like I was stuck in a frenzied daze. I know I gotus the coffees, and at some point, I walked over to the large windows, but I can’t remember the in between.

Did I even pay for these?

Heat radiates in my hands, reminding me that I am still holding the fresh and very hot coffee, but it is as if I cannot come back to myself enough to set them down.

As I look out across the vast scenery, all I can think about is the past and try to pinpoint the moment it all went wrong. I was too naive as a child to wish for the mundane and too cocky as a teenager to hope for a modest lifestyle.

However, when I lost my wife, I prayed for freedom from the chaos. But I ended up punishing myself by never pursuing it because it was something I believed I didn’t deserve after I had failed her.

In the silence, I began to yearn for the white picket fence and a basic routine. I wanted what you saw in romantic comedies. A home full of laughter and happiness. Dancing in the kitchen with a woman I loved for no reason at all and staying up late just to talk about our dreams.

By the time I had realized that time had passed, my son was grown and I was alone. An old man in a home full of pretty things no one would ever be able to appreciate with me.

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