Page 28 of Crimson Tears

“I’m sorry I chose to do my own thing. I should have been a better team player.”

I nod into his chest. “You should have.” I can’t hear him laugh, but his chest vibrates with it, causing me to smile. I need to sit up and create distance between us, but I can’t bring myself to do it just yet. “But I forgive you.”

He squeezes me tight. “I know you think you’ve changed too much for me, but I think we both changed for the better.”

My brows pinch as I sit up in his hold. “What do you mean?”

The wind blows some of my hair across my face, and his fingers reach out to tuck the stray strands behind my ear. Familiar goosebumps erupt all over as I refrain from leaning into his touch.

“The only way for us to survive this world was to become stronger than those who raised us.”

A shaky breath escapes me.If only Enya had gotten that same chance.

“I think we needed time apart to do that. Now, I think we could make the perfect team.”

My mouth opens to disagree with him, even if my heart agrees. But Cillian stops me, shaking his head. I don’t want to hurt him or lead him on, but I need him to understand how much Boris means to me.

“I’m not saying I want you to run away with me off into the sunset.” Warm eyes meet mine. “All I’m saying is that maybe there’s a reason we found each other again.”

That I can’t argue with. Cillian was meant to be in my life, I just need him to accept my choices within it.

“Let's go for a walk, the weather is beautiful.”

“It’s only like this for about a month or so.” After that, I have to use the heaters on the porch in the mornings.

“Only you would choose a place that is as cold as the Arctic to settle down. The girl that loved the sun and rainbows chose the feckin’ tundra.”

I laugh as Cillian stands, offering me his hand. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m just causing more pain for myself in the long run, but I take it. I have a feeling that the boy I once knew is so much closer to the surface than I realized, and my heart is aching for him.

???

After four days with Cillian, I’m beginning to realize maybe he hasn’t changed so much. He still does all the same things I used to love, like picking me random flowers that are really just weeds when we’re out on a walk. And the way he tells stories with his whole body makes me laugh more times than I can count.

The minute he stopped acting like someone I should fear, he became the boy I once knew. Boris sees it too. I was nervous he’d be offended by all of the time Cillian has been spending with me, but he seems to enjoy it. Every time I find him watching us, he’s smiling. He loves to hear Cillian tell all of my embarrassing stories too.

The two of them getting along could be dangerous. The more I get used to having them both, the more anxious I am about having to say goodbye to Cillian again.

But I try not to think about that and embrace the time we all get together. I feel like I am glowing when I get to be with both of them. Boris makes me happy, but Cillian makes me laugh like I did when I was a kid. It’s a special kind of feeling I never knew I was missing until he brought it back.

Turning the corner into the kitchen, I watch as Cillian coaches Boris on making bread. Staying out of sight, I try not to laugh when Boris’ face scrunches up like he doesn’t understand. Cillian doesn’t give him a hard time though, he just reaches over and shows him how to knead it the correct way.

That’s one thing that surprised me about Cillian. He has always been a big touchy-feely person with me, but never with other people. Not even his family. So the fact that he has no problem with throwing an arm around Evie, or teaching Boris how to knead bread shows how comfortable he is with the people in my life.

It makes me hopeful for a future where he can stay close. Even if the idea of him not being in the house hurts, I know it is for the best. The longer we are together, the fuzzier the line between us grows.

Deciding it’s time to make myself known, I walk into the kitchen right as Boris starts to master the technique.

“Not too bad for an old man,” Cillian says with a wink, nudging him.

Boris rolls his eyes, but a smile plays on his lips while one splits across my face without hesitation.

“With age comes wisdom,” Boris hums.

“You must be a genius then.”

I walk around the counter and smack Cillian on the back of the head, making him chuckle as he ducks down.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be nice.”

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