Page 19 of Crimson Tears

“I have no intentions of hurting your father. I love him more than I ever thought was possible to love another human. I love him like I love the feeling of freedom and the comfort of home. He ismine. So make your little speeches, but understand I am not just another woman to him and he is not just another man to me.”

My voice raises at the end, but something I said must have helped him see this isn’t a game to me. We have a house and life we’ve built together. That’s not something you just give up on or throw away. At least, not to me it isn’t.

“Good. We understand each other then.” He stands abruptly, and I tilt my head to the side. “I needed to ensure you were serious before I allowed him to use my ballet tickets.”

I snort out a laugh as we walk back inside. Alexi is all hard edges and sharp lines, but when he relaxes those qualities turn into art you just can’t take your eyes away from. He can make you feel protected with just one look. He’s one of very few men in this world that I trust.

After we make our way down the hall and say our goodbyes, my body sags in relief when the door shuts at their departure.

We spent hours planning, and now all I want to do is go relax in a bubble bath and maybe read a book. Boris has already gone to his office, so I head towards our room, intent on doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day since tomorrow will be all about the mission. My muscles ache just thinking about it, but the hope we can shut down this organization soon keeps me moving forward.

That is, until a dark figure moves out of the shadows to stand directly in my path.

“What do you want?” I ask Cillian, trying to make it clear in my tone that my brain is done for the day.

That stupid grin splits across his face and I have half a mind to slap it off. But then we would fight, he would get too close, and I wouldn’t know what to do.

Not worth the risk.

“Just curious why you got so jealous over me hugging Evie?”

I cross my arms over my chest.

“I think you’re confusing jealousy with annoyance.”

He shrugs, prowling closer. “Okay then, why were you annoyed?”

Rolling my eyes, I say, “Because it’s unprofessional to flirt with your boss. Much less in front of her husbands. You know they could kill you, right?”

Cillian scoffs, biting his bottom lip.

“Might be fun to see them try.”

Shouldering my way past him, I stomp back towards my room.

“Just admit it, Sweetheart. You don’t like it when I flirt with her, don’t like it when I touch her, and you haven’t stopped staring at me since…”

I whirl on him, shoving him backwards as my anger shoots out of me as sharp as a bullet from a gun. I’m torn between wanting to cry and wanting to yell, and I don’t fecking know why.

“Yes, I was jealous. But guess what, Cillian?”

Crowding his space, I take note of how he watches me warily, all the carelessness and ease falling away, leaving something vulnerable in front of me.

“I already made my choice. I found love in a world that tries to ensure that all we know is suffering.” I shove him back again. “I found peace and acceptance and a family here.”

Cillian stumbles, his brow furrowing as he watches the hurt rise in my chest. Looking at him is agony. Those eyes hold too many memories that threaten to break me every time they soften.

“I can’t live without them. I can’t live withouthim.”

And I mean it too. My life would be empty without Boris. I got used to the emptiness when I thought Cillian died, and I never thought anyone could fill that void. Boris never completely took it away, but he made it bearable. He made life worth living again.

“So you can live without me then?”

Anger and pain lace his voice as he spits the words like venom although the look on his face betrays him, his body sagging in defeat, as if he were about to fall over from the weight of his emotions.

I turn away, unable to look at him while I do what I know I need to do. I need to build a wall, draw a line, and put something between us that’s too difficult to break through.

“I’ve been living without you for three years. What’s a little more?”

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