Page 152 of Crimson Tears

A minute of silence passes before Nessa begins playing with her napkin on the table.

“Sooo,” she says, drawing the word out.

“We have a few things we would like to show you,” Boris begins. “First, we appreciate the opportunity to prove to you that this is what we want. We are both willing to fight to have a family with you, no matter what that looks like. We accept that at the end of the day this is your decision to make, and we respect your choice.”

She nods, so I continue. “We know that you feel like there’s a lot of weight on your shoulders, so we decided to take off what we could. We might not be able to carry the baby for you, but we can make sure you have everything you need.”

She looks confused, so Boris pulls out a tablet and passes it to her. “We took some time to create nurseries we thought you might like, and they each have a special touch from us.”

I point to the picture I sketched of her belly swollen with our child that hangs in each room.

“We also already made up a list of names the both of us agree on so that you don’t feel like there is a lot of back and forth. Also, Boris wants to be called dad, and I want to be Da.”

She gasps as the page turns from nurseries to names. I watch as her finger hovers just above Aiden.

“We also know your life will change a lot when you become a mother, your body too. But we are excited to see those changes and embrace them,” Boris says.

“Being a mother can be difficult,” I add. “We made a soft schedule so that we can be there to help you as much as possible, especially in the early stages. When you need a break, all you have to do is ask.”

The screen changes to the schedule Boris planned since he knows what it’s like to have a kid. This is his area, so I gesture for him to continue with this part of the presentation.

“I do not want our child to be raised by staff, so at any point if we cannot handle the sleep deprivation, then our family can provide relief. I know you have not told anyone yet, but we have a strong feeling that two aunts, six uncles, and a half brother will be enough to help us get by.”

Nessa looks up from the screen with tears in her eyes. “You guys did all of this in two days?”

We nod as I reach out, taking one of her hands in mine.

“We’re willing to do anything for you, and our little one too.”

Her lip trembles, so I take her chin in my fingers and pull her mouth to mine. It is soft but encouraging. In the research we’ve done, we know pregnancy hormones can make everything feel so much bigger than it is.

I want this to have an impact on her but don’t want her to feel overwhelmed. When we separate, Boris takes her other hand.

“We love you, no matter what,Lisichka.”

Nessa wipes at her eyes, a content smile on her face. “I love both of you too. So much.”

Chapter 46

Dinner was a surprise, but what got me more was the devotion both of my men seem to have to keeping this baby.

I place my hand over my stomach. It’s too early to feel anything, but I know they’re in there kicking around. It’s weird to think that something so small can have such a big impact on our lives without even being here.

Boris went out to help Alexi on a job, and Cillian is sketching in his room. I love that we have our own spaces here. My room faces the front lawn that is set up with a stroll through garden-like space. Little twists and turns are carved around small water fountains and large blooming plants for as far as the eye can see.

I can’t wait to rescue these kids and bring them here. I want this to be a safe place for them to find joy in the little things. Butterflies flying around, bees pollinating, and the trees blowing in the wind. It’s peaceful. So much so that I find myself smiling when the sun hits my face.

If I can make this promise to save a bunch of kids I don’t know, then maybe I am capable of keeping a vow to protect my own child. Right?

My head spins as so many emotions swirl inside—joy, fear, hesitation, hope. What if this baby brought light to this dark world of ours?

I sent a text to Evie asking if she wants to come over. Originally, I wasn’t planning on telling anyone about being pregnant, but I feel like I need to now. I need to sort through this with someone who isn’t in the situation.

She responds saying she’s on her way, so I make us some coffees while I wait. When she comes in, she glances around with a smile.

“This place suits you.”

I blush. I love the house that Boris and I created together. However, the more time we spend here, the more at home I feel. There’s something extra cozy about it that I couldn’t seem to find back in Russia.

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