Page 63 of Filthy Savage

Tears fall down my cheeks like rivers. I don’t think I’ve ever known love like this before.

“Hi, baby,” I stammer. “I’m your mama.”

Emily sniffles, swiping under her eyes.

“She’s beautiful!” Patricia gushes, blinking past her own emotions.

“Just the cutest!” Lilith’s eyes fill with warmth.

Both of them have become my friends over the past few months. They helped me unpack when I moved, and we all went shopping together for all the things I needed. They all even chipped in to throw me a baby shower at Emily’s home. There weren’t that many there, but more than I ever expected. Emily’s mom even invited some of her friends. I felt so much love.

My mother, of course, wasn’t invited.

The shower came as a complete surprise. When Emily told me to register for gifts, I thought that was ridiculous, because who was going to buy me all this stuff? But people have been beyond generous. A new crib, a name-brand stroller, two car seats—one for when she’s older—and everything else I could possibly need is already at my home.

All I’ve been waiting for is her.

My gorgeous daughter.

And now she’s here.

I hold her tighter and kiss the top of her head while the nurses wipe her off. For some reason, my mind goes back to the dream of me holding a baby as she slips away, the one I still have from time to time. And I hope it has nothing to do with my own daughter. That I’ll never lose her.

“We’ll always have each other, my sweet girl. Mommy will always protect you.”

And I swear to keep that promise until the day that I die.

Being a mom has been hard. I had a lot of growing up to do in a short time, and I did it. And I’m damn proud of it. Proud of myself for leaving that weaker version of Amara behind. Because in her place I’d like to think I became stronger, for both myself and my daughter. I won’t let anyone hurt my girl.

She coos in the stroller, lying in her bassinet as we stroll around the neighborhood.

A whole month has passed since I’ve had her, and every day I stare at her, I wonder what sort of mother my mom was back when I was this small.

Was she kinder? Did she love me? Did my father? Maybe he was just as awful as her. Who else leaves their child behind?

As soon as we’re nearing the house, she starts to cry.

“Oh no. What happened, sweetheart?” I stop immediately and lift her in my arms, placing her against my chest as I bounce her. “Mama’s here. Don’t you cry. I’ll always be here.”

“Good morning.” A couple passes by, smiling at me.

“Good morning.”

My heart fills with joy. This area was everything I needed. No one sells drugs here. I feel safe. My daughter will have a good life. I just know it.

As soon as she calms, I place her back in the stroller and head down the street toward our home.

When I reach the driveway and start for the backyard, a set of tires screeches past me, causing me to stop.

“Is that my granddaughter?”

My pulse slams in my ears.

No. Nonono. She can’t be here. She can’t ruin this for me.

My eyes squeeze shut, panic sending my entire body drowning in dread.

Footsteps pound closer, and every inch of me wants to run. But I force it all down and turn to face her, standing right in front of the stroller so she doesn’t so much as see my daughter.

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