Page 60 of The Devil's Pawn

I curl my fingers around hers, waiting for every single word she has left to say.

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me, but I also know you’re not being honest with me about who you are. I deserve to know who I’m involved with, Dante, no matter the length of time we’re together. No matter how real we may or may not be.”

“You’re right.” I pick up her hand and bring her knuckles to my lips, fastening our gazes so tightly, I never want them undone.

She grips the very essence of my soul. Whatever’s left of it is hers. At least that’s what it feels like when she looks at me that way and when I gaze at her the same.

It’s the way my father would stare at my mom: as though his day ended and began with her smile. As though she meant everything to him. And that’s because she did. I want that with Raquel someday.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away,” I confess, placing her hand against my beating heart. “I was fucking scared, baby. Because the way I feel about you…I never wanted to, never deserved it. I still don’t. But I want you for more than three months. I want you for as long as you’ll let me have you.”

My other hand wraps around the small of her back, pulling her hard against my body as I lean my forehead over hers, my eyes closing.

“You’re an idiot,” she teases, a tearful smile piercing through her words.

“So you tell me.” I inhale her scent, wanting to commit it to my subconscious.

“Just when I thought I wouldn’t forgive you for being an ass…” Her tone slices with raw emotion, yanking at my heart. “You go and say something stupid like that.”

“I’m always doing something to disappoint you,” I whisper, leaning my mouth against hers, brushing past the softness of her lips.

“Mmm.” She nuzzles into me. “Still nowhere near as bad as my getting drunk.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I smile over her mouth.

“Hey!” She yanks back, narrowing her eyes. “You’re not supposed to agree with me.”

“I’m sorry, wife. There’s still so much I have to learn about being a good husband.”

“Dante…”

“I know.” I nod, an ache forming in my throat. “You’re not my wife, and you’re still leaving in less than three months.”

She sighs heavily. “I have to. You know that. My feelings for you, they’re real too. I like you. I do. But there’s no future for us.”

Her hand rises to my cheek, the smooth touch of her skin on mine twisting my heart, reminding me she’ll be gone soon.

“I’m sorry, Dante,” she continues. “It’s not because of your secrets. It’s because of my life. I need to be free of them, and you need to be free of me. My family will never leave us alone, and I don’t want to constantly look over my shoulder.”

“You won’t have to. Give me time to figure it all out.” I pull her close, my lips barely a touch away. “I want you. I want this. Let us have it. Just tell me you’ll give me time. Giveustime.”

“Dante, please,” she whispers, the painful emotion imprinted in her voice. “Time won’t help us. Just forget about me. Once I’m gone, you won’t remember me. You’ll see.”

“Is that really what you think?” My breath skims over her lips. “That this is just physical? That I don’t care about you? Because you couldn’t be more wrong.”

There’s so much more I could say to convince her, but this isn’t the right time. I have to go and tend to business.

“Do you know how badly I want to kiss you right now?” My thumb slides under her chin.

She slants her face sideways, her features contorted with the same emotions rocking my insides.

“But I know if I do—if I taste you—I’m not gonna be able to stop, Raquel.”

Her lips part, breaths falling faster, her intoxicating gaze melding and becoming a part of me. She refuses to speak; her eyes doing all the talking. I can tell how badly she’s fighting our connection while wanting it.

“I don’t want to leave you, baby,” I tell her. “But I have to. And if you want me after what I’m about to do, keep your door open for me.”

Before I go, I kiss the corner of her mouth, knowing that’s all I can manage to do in this moment.

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