Her chin lifted slightly in that instant, and I saw the Paisley I had known since I had moved here before everything had shifted. The same Paisley who had told me she was marrying Jacob and was finally with a man who would love her for who she was.

That had turned out to be a lie, but then again, I was just as good at lying to myself, it seemed.

This was for the best. It would keep her safe from my family, and from the blood that ran in my veins. Because there was only so much happiness that could be bled from a stone. My siblings had all found their happy ever afters, but I had thrown mine away once, and I didn’t deserve it again. Paisley would thrive without me, something we both knew had to be true.

I just had to be the smarter person.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you correctly. Are you telling me that you didn’t want me here?”

“It’s not that. It’s nice what we’ve had. It’s good relaxation. I’ve been a nice rebound for you. But before it goes any further, before either one of us hurts another person, I think it’d be good if we just back off. End it. A clean break so that way you can still hang out with Devney, Greer, and Addison, and you don’t feel like you have to lose them too.”

It felt as if there were sawdust in my mouth as I spoke, but this was for the best. Because one day soon Paisley would realize how much better she was than me, and we would end up like my parents, and she’d be alone.

And I’d do anything not to make that happen.

I ignored the voice in my head that said that this was a mistake. That me being with her wouldn’t let her be alone, but what would happen when she saw me for the real person I was.

No, this was for the best.

There were two feet between us, but it might as well have been the Grand Canyon. It was a gulf, broken up into a shattering cavern that made no logical sense.

A single tear slid down her face, reminding me of that tear from before. The one that I knew had been about me.

“Paise.”

“No. No.” She shook her head but didn’t wipe the tear. Instead she let another fall.

She hadn’t cried the first time that I had left. The first time that I had broken both of us.

That was a change.

“You don’t get to call me Paise. And you don’t get to pretend that this is about protecting me. You don’t get to call me a rebound or call yourself one. I’ll take the blame for not asking why you broke everything before, but I don’t want answers right now. Not when I’m wearing another dress, and I can hear laughter behind us. Laughter and happiness for a wedding that probably won’t amount to anything. So fine. Be a coward. Walk away again. Because I knew it.”

I frowned, taking a step forward. But she took one step back, holding her hands out.

“No. No. Do you want me to fight and yell for you? Do you want me to beg you to stay? Because we both know I won’t do that. Not when you have clearly already made up your mind. You are not your parents. Just like I’m not my bitch of a mother. But here I am, acting the shrew for this little tableau. Break it off, or perhaps we don’t have to break it off since there was never a label to this. But I knew it,” she repeated, “I knew I wasn’t enough. I was never going to be the one to show you that you weren’t your parents. Your brothers and sister and their families weren’t enough either. That’s on you. So I’m not going to yell at you. I’m not going to be your mother. I’m not going to fight. I’m not going to be your father. I’m just going to be me. The person you pushed away. Twice.”

And with that she turned on her heel and walked toward our rooms.

And I let her go.

Again.

This was for the best.

Before she fell in love with me, before I broke her heart, this was for the best.

So why did it feel like I’d once again ruined everything?

Chapter Sixteen

Paisley

“Jessa, do you have the contract for the Hoovers?” I asked, not noticing that my voice had become so brittle, so encased with ice, I had become the one thing that I had been afraid of for so long.

The ice queen personified. She was back.

But I was tired. Oh so tired.