Page 48 of Second Chance Husband

I couldn’t quite believe I had kept them all, but it had been a part of my life, and I couldn’t throw things away. Hence why I still had that memory box of me and August’s things.

I pushed him from my mind for just a moment because I needed to focus on the here and now. And let my friends know what was happening. Just not with the little girls around.

“We come bearing gifts,” Devney said, as she leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “And cheese.”

“You and your cheese addiction,” I said.

“What? I like cheese.”

“And I like cured meats. It’s like we’re a match made in heaven.”

“Well, don’t worry, I have crackers, and a bunch of dried fruit and dips and nuts to make our own boards.”

“This sounds fun to me,” Addison said. Then she studied my face. “Are you going to talk about what’s been bothering you?”

I nodded, knowing they needed to know everything. About Jacob, my mother, and August. I was probably going need a lot of wine for today.

“Yes. But maybe without little ears,” I whispered, as the girls played in the living room behind us, both laughing and looking carefree.

Addison’s eyes widened, and I realized she had been expecting me to turn away from the problem. After all, that’s what I was good at. I was going to do better.

I had to do better.

“Okay, this sounds like it was a good idea that I brought the sparkling wine,” Devney said, her voice oddly cheerful. “I’m going to stick that in the fridge, so it’s ready for us after lunch and before N-A-P time, and then we’re good to go.”

“What happens when they learn to spell?” I asked, honestly curious.

“Then we whisper and make up other words,” Addison said with a shrug. “Honestly, I just do what the baby books say, and then wing it. Luca’s better at this than me most of the time.”

“Heath too. It’s a little disconcerting how good he is at it.”

“They’re great dads. You’re lucky.”

“Considering what they grew up with? Honestly, I’m surprised at what great parents they are.”

“I guess it goes to show you it’s not who raised you, but who you’ve become on your own.”

At least I hoped that was true as well. I’d thought I’d be a mom by now, looking forward to the next phases of my life as I figured out the trials and tribulations of motherhood and happiness.

My father had been decent. At least in some aspects. But he was long gone, and I had been left with my mother. The woman who had pushed me into becoming a beauty queen, not even for a scholarship, just so she could lord it over everyone else that I was Miss Little Portland, or Miss Strawberry Fields. Then I had to be the best at spelling bee. I had to win not just my school, not just the district, but I had to win the state. And when I had gotten second place, it was the first time my mother had truly hit me. And then I kept going. I had run track, done swim team. I had been the cheerleader, and the prom queen. But I had only made prom queen my senior year; my junior year I hadn’t even made the court. And so my mother had punished me for that. I had been forced to have the perfect boyfriends in high school, the ones with the chiseled jaws even though we were teenagers, and the ones with the most connections with their parents. I hadn’t even realized she had been setting me up on those so-called play dates when I had been in middle school, not realizing that she was trying to plan my entire life.

So my defiance had been August.

A boy who had made me smile in college and I had fallen in love with. The man I had married and thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I knew I was going to take over my own world and soar in my business because I had no other option. And not just because my mother had wanted it that way. But because I was damn good at it. And I had loved August’s mind. He was brilliant, an amazing scientist, and he had known he had wanted to go into teaching. He had wanted to make sure that he emulated teachers who had helped him thrive.

And knowing how he had grown up, how his parents had such a tumultuous relationship with him and had taken away his base, it only made sense that he would’ve wanted something steady.

And I was all in with that. It didn’t matter that he didn’t want to pursue research or academia with all the highlights and accomplishments that could come from that. I didn’t care that sometimes he had to teach driver’s ed in order to pay the bills because teachers were never paid enough in this country. In my mind, I could make enough for both of us, so that way we could both do what we wanted. And I hadn’t thought August cared about that. I just thought he loved me for me.

But he had walked away, and now somehow, he was back. Because what, we couldn’t stand to be away from each other? Because he wanted my body but not my heart or my future?

I shook my head at myself even as I listened halfheartedly to Addison and Devney talk about the upcoming wedding.

It was odd to think that so much had changed and yet nothing had changed. I was sitting in a room with my two best friends and their children, and I was alone.

And yet I had this secret. I still had the slight bruises on my body from August, but they were the bruises that came from need and desire and want. They were consensual.

And I hadn’t told anyone about them. I hated secrets.

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