Page 12 of Last Minute Fiancé

All I could think about is what would happen if she wasn’t okay. Because I had lost Ashleigh. How could I even contemplate the fact that I could lose someone I cared for again? No, I wasn’t going to go down that path. I couldn’t go down that path and remain sane. I knew this, she knew this, and we were going to be fine.

Only nothing felt fine right now.

“Luca.” She ran her hands over her face and began to pace around the living room again. “I want to be a mom.”

I swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay. Okay.”

“I thought it would come later though. When I had my life together. When I was married. Okay, maybe not married because I always thought that was slightly archaic.”

“I think it’s more of a puritanical thing, right?” I said. I had once thought I would get married and it hadn’t worked out. Because life hit you hard, and I lost Ashleigh before we had a chance. We had been too young, had loved too hard, and in the end she died—and was the only other person I had been with besides Addison. But I wasn’t going to bring that up. That would just complicate matters, and I didn’t want to think about Ashleigh.

I hated thinking about her. About the fact that I had loved her with all of my heart, and then she was gone. Gone in an instant, and I had lost my future. Because I thought we would get married and have 2.5 kids and own a house and have a Volvo. All of those things, while bringing home random animals from the vet that needed help overnight. And I would annoy Ashleigh with the number of puppies and kittens in the house. And suddenly Ashleigh was gone and there was no getting that future back. There was no fixing it.

But then Addison’s words came back to me and things started to meld together and I knew I needed to split them apart before I had another panic attack.

I couldn’t put Addison and Ashleigh in the same positions. I couldn’t reconcile the fact that if Addison had such health issues, I could lose her. I wasn’t going to think about that. That would be ridiculous. We didn’t even know if she was truly pregnant. So we weren’t going to stress.

“Okay, maybe not married, but I would be in a happy and healthy relationship. And I would have a partner.”

“I’m standing right here. You’re my best friend, Addison.”

“You’re my best friend. Along with Devney and Paisley, but I didn’t sleep with them. I slept with you. Because we were drunk, and we used a condom, but my body hates me. It’s like this fertile land that just won’t stop ruining my life.” She began to pace again.

“I always thought I’d be a dad, Addison. That I’d have that provincial life we joke about.”

She looked at me with sadness in her gaze, and I knew she understood. That we both did.

“And you didn’t get that. I’m so sorry, and I don’t know what to do because I’m not her. I’m me, and I’m freaking the fuck out. I just want this all to go away but it won’t. I have a report due in the morning. I don’t have time for a doctor’s appointment. I don’t have time to deal with morning sickness and swollen ankles and everything that comes with pregnancy. I don’t even knowwhatcomes with pregnancy. I don’t know what to do now. We weren’t supposed to get pregnant, Luca. I realized that there’s always consequences for our actions, but I thought we were being smart.”

I moved forward as she continued to ramble, and pulled her close. She fought for a moment, shaking a bit, before letting out a deep sigh and resting her head on my chest. I set my chin on the top of her head and wrapped my arms around her tightly. It took a moment before she finally wrapped her arms around me, and we just stood there, not speaking.

“I don’t want to tell anyone until we have answers. Because they’re going to have judgments, they’re going to have questions, and I don’t have any answers.”

“Okay, as your best friend, I’m going to be the one to say that we are going to do this together. I don’t know what this is, I don’t know what happens next, but you’re not alone.”

“Luca.”

“No. Nothing feels real right now, it all feels like panic, but that doesn’t matter. We’re going to do this one step at a time, and we’re going to probably panic and make all the mistakes, but we’re friends. Friends can do anything. You’re not alone in this. We’ve got this.”

She moved back to look at me, and I knew she didn’t believe me.

Because the problem was, I didn’t believe me either.

We were royally and truly screwed.

Everything had changed, and there were no answers, no labels for what was next.

I was having a baby with my best friend, and I barely remembered the night we had been together.

That was going to be a great start to a story that we’d have to tell our friends.

One day.

Unless we moved away and never talked to them again. That would probably be safer. Less judgment. Less noise.

And a whole lot more panic.

ChapterFour

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