Page 21 of A Wilder Wedding

Whispering the words she had never heard before, but I knew she couldn’t hear now.

I had almost lost her. More than once.

I held her as we both came down and hoped she wouldn’t think this was a mistake. That she wouldn’t walk away like I had before.

Only I had a feeling that I wasn’t that lucky.

I had broken her.

And I didn’t know how to put her back together again.

So I just held her.

And once again I let myself pretend. In the morning, no matter what happened, I would find the man who hurt her and I would break him. And then I would break myself.

After all, it was what I deserved.

CHAPTERSIX

Naomi

There are moments in life when you realize that you had clung to something because you were scared, that mistakes didn’t just start with the letter m, but with the big fat capital letter M.

As Amos sat there, with me on his lap, I realized that this was one of those times.

I was such an idiot. Yes, I had been scared, yes, I had needed someone to hold me, but I hadn’t needed to do what we had just done. We were both consenting adults, but I had lost my damn mind when it came to him. But then again, wasn’t that always the case? It was why I clung to him now. Because I was that idiot. Always.

“Are you okay?”

I nearly laughed. What an absurd question to a traumatic and yet even more absurd day.

Because he wasn’t meaning to make me feel like I had made a mistake. No. He was just doing what he did. Taking care of me, but not taking care of himself.

Because maybe if he had done that, maybe if he had tried to do that so long ago, I wouldn’t be falling into a million pieces.

“I should clean up. The others might check on us soon, and things could get awkward.”

He frowned, then pushed my hair back from my face. Such a casual gesture, such a familiar one. He was forever touching me, trying to keep me calm, to keep me in his hold.

He had never hurt me like that. But I had never truly known if he was mine. And perhaps that was a kind of hurt after all.

“Okay. Let’s do that.”

I smiled as I climbed off him, the feeling of loss once he wasn’t inside me annoying, but something I was used to by now.

I hated the fact that I loved him. But that was on me. Not him.

I went to the restroom and cleaned myself up before pulling on the clothes that he had set out for me. My own clothes that I had left here, like a forgotten memory. Like pieces of me that I didn’t want to know again.

I felt like there was something truly wrong with me, but it had nothing to do with him.

I stood day-in and day-out watching people vow to each other that they would be with one another forever. And somehow knew that was never going to be me.

I had been attacked. Hurt. But I knew they would find out who it was. That we would find answers. Because there wasn’t another option. The Wilders protected their own.

Amos had gotten dressed at the same time as me, and I swallowed hard as I looked at him, at the concern on his face.

But he didn’t say anything.

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