Page 36 of Inked Craving

“Are we? The rest of the family is too worried about stressing me out, so they’re not even asking about how weird the situation is. We’re not talking about the fact that we had sex, Lee. I’ve only had sex with three people in my life, and you were the third person. I can’t believe we’re not talking about it.”

It took me a minute to catch up to the information, and I blinked. “Only three?”

“Yes. Only three. Look at you go. You’re one of the few.”

“Paige. I thought we decided that talking about it or dealing with it would be too much during the pregnancy and while you were dealing with Colton.”

“Really? Or is that just what we said to each other because it was easier?”

“Maybe.” I ran my hands through my hair. “I don’t know, Paige. Hell. We spend all this fucking time together, and I love it. I love hanging out with you. I love that I’m part of this, even in a weird way.”

“But what is this? The pregnancy? The baby? Are you here for more? And, yes, this is probably the worst time to be asking these things, but I think I need to know. I’m so scared, Lee.”

I reached for her, cupping her face. “Don’t be scared. I’m here.”

“But isn’t that the problem?” she whispered, and I took a step back, feeling as though I’d been hit.

“It’s a problem that I’m here?”

“That’s not what I’m saying at all. I think it’s a problem that we don’t know what we’re doing. We’re living in this bubble, like we can just be friends. But we’re constantly touching one another, forever leaning on one another. We kiss all the time, Lee. And we’re so good about pretending that it doesn’t mean anything. But what if it does?”

I cursed under my breath. “You’re right. What if it does? But is this the right time to think about it?”

“When will be the right time? I’ve got eighteen years of raising this baby, and what happens after that? What do we do after that? Is that when we finally talk? When my child is so confused as to who you are in their life that they don’t know whether to call you Uncle Lee or Daddy?”

I swallowed hard, the words twinging more than they should. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know either. I’m so afraid we’re going to hurt each other and this baby because we’re terrified of losing one another or actually talking about the important things. And I’ve waited way too long to have this conversation with you. I’ve been so afraid, Lee. But here we are. I’m going to have a baby soon. My due date is in two weeks. I don’t know who you are to me. Other than the person that I care about more than anyone. Because you are always there, you make me smile, you make me laugh, and you’re here for me. You’ve always been there, but I don’t want to force you into being something you’re not.”

Shock radiated through me, and I stared at her. “What would you be forcing me to do, Paige?”

“I’m a ready-made family. I’m not just your best friend’s little sister. I’m going to be a mom. I come with baggage.”

I shook my head, wondering how she could think that. I was the damaged one. Not her. “You know my baggage, Paige.”

“Exactly. You told me outright when you said you would help me through this pregnancy because I needed someone to lean on, that you didn’t want a family. Marriage and kids weren’t in the game for you. And so, what does that mean? What does that mean for us if this baby isn’t what you were thinking of for your future? Because that’s what I have. We have been so good about not talking about what is important that we missed the most important thing. I don’t want to pull you down into a life that you didn’t ask for. But I don’t know if I can let you go, either.”

I sighed and cupped her face. “I never wanted to pressure you.”

“Same here. But I think we messed up by not talking about it long before this. Because watching you go will break me, Lee. And I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what I feel because I feel so many things all at once. You have no idea what it feels like to have a thousand emotions and hormones hitting you one after another, and I can’t even focus. I can’t breathe.”

I sighed and leaned forward. “That’s why I’ve been saying we should wait.”

“Wait for what? For my baby to walk towards you instead of me the first time? For you to capture their first steps on video? Or what? Have their first word beDaddyas you hold them? It’s not fair to you or this baby for us not to have answers, and yet we have no answers. I don’t even know what’s going to happen with Colton.”

“Don’t say his fucking name around me.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do? Technically, he is the father. Why couldn’t Colton just be great and make things work?”

I felt like she had kicked me, and as her eyes widened, I knew she regretted the words. “Let’s not fucking talk about Colton right now.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that you were stepping into Colton’s shoes even though some think you are, but you’re not. It’s more of things being so backward, and this isn’t what I wanted.”

“This isn’t what you wanted,” I repeated.

She threw her hands in the air as I tried to process her words. “No, I wanted things to be easy, even though life is never easy. And things are far different than I ever thought possible.”

I shook my head. “Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

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