Page 42 of Mated in Darkness

I leaned forward slightly and cupped his jaw. He was so strong, virile.

“You should know what mating is. What it could be.”

He tilted his head, and I held back a smile. That was his wolf. I could sense his wolf, even if I hadn’t met him yet. He was wolf now, shifter, but he was still on the precipice of the new part of himself. He would be fighting control for a while, and at this point, when we were still hunting who had killed Spencer and had tried to kill Jason, as well as all of those others, this was a dangerous time for him and everyone else. But I couldn’t think about that at that moment. I had to focus on what I was saying.

“I want this. I want you.”

“I want you too, Jason. But I need to tell you exactly what mating is. And why we’re going about this all backward.”

My heart twisted ever so slightly at the thought that I would hurt him with this. That I had already hurt him with this. After all, I had gone about mating this man in a way that might get me shunned with some Packs. Not my own, not the Talons, and clearly not the Starlights. But perhaps older Packs with far more dangerous Alphas. Their control in this new age wasn’t as strong as the Alphas that I had grown up with. Or they were along the same lines of Alphas that had nearly wiped out the Packs surrounding me before their current Alphas had taken control.

“What do you mean? I know what mating is.”

“Can I please tell you what I feel you need to know before we take this any further?”

He frowned. “You’re telling me there’s a way to break the bond and go back?”

My body felt as if it had been thrown off a cliff just then, the shock surprising. My wolf growled, and a single fang slid out of my gums. Jason’s eyes widened, but he didn’t back away. I counted that as a step in the right direction for both of us.

“No, there is no taking it back or changing it. There is no breaking the bond without potentially harming or killing each other in the process. But I want you to know how it should have gone, how we should have come to be.” Jason leaned forward again, a small growl reverberating from his throat. He was all wolf just then, and I held back a grin. “Focus, Jason.”

“I am focusing.” All wolf, and my wolf pawed at me, wanting him.

Soon, I reminded myself. Soon.

“Mates are forever. There’s no changing that. You and I had the choice before the attack. We had a choice to walk away, even if it would have hurt. To never see each other again and let the potential fade.”

Jason’s eyes glowed gold, the dominance in them intriguing.

I couldn’t wait to see the man and wolf he would become over the years, as he grew into who he was.

“Never.”

“Good, I feel the same way. But we had a choice. And then I took it from you. I took that choice to save your life because it was the only way to keep you in the now. At that moment, even though Riaz was there to help try to save you, it wouldn’t have been enough. Changing into a wolf right then wouldn’t have been enough. We needed the mating bond to keep you here. To keep you with me.” I swallowed hard, the anger and fear culminating in a desperation that gnawed at me.

“I don’t regret it. I couldn’t regret this. You saved my life, Kaylee.”

“And in doing so, I tied you to me and my Pack and my home. I took that choice away from you. And you have to understand that.”

“I know. I do. Once we find whoever the hell is attacking our people. Then we can figure out what we need to do from there.”

“I don’t know if we’re going to be able to find out before we need to go to our Alpha. Do you understand that? You are safe and stable here because we are together, but your wolf needs his Alpha. And while Riaz’s presence helps slightly as Alpha, he’s not your Alpha. You don’t have the bonds with this Pack.” I grit my teeth. “And I can’t be a Starlight. I can’t cut my bonds with my family and my Pack members in order to come here and stay here with you. Do you get that?”

He nodded before he frowned and brushed my hair from my face. I nearly leaned into him at the touch, but I needed this moment. I needed him to understand that things were different now, and it wasn’t just going to be sex, even though I wanted to strip him down right then and ride him until both of us couldn’t breathe anymore.

“I understand. I don’t have anyone, Kaylee. I lost my family. It’s just me. I’m the friend of the Pack here, but I’m not Pack. I always knew that one day I would grow old and die, and the rest of the Pack would still be here. And I would protect them with whatever I could with my brain, but that was all I had.”

“Jason,” I began, and he shook his head.

“No, that was it. There is nothing else. I understand that I’m going to have to go up north and meet your family, however big the Jamensons are, because I hear they’re a mighty presence in wolves.”

He smiled as he said it, and I smiled back. “Perhaps.”

“There’s no perhaps about it. The War of the Redwoods, and then again with the Talons, is one of legend, one that even I as a human know and have studied and learned. I know parts of who you are, but I want to know the rest. I understand that we are mated, even if it’s not complete yet. I get it. I get that sometimes you have to leap into the world of the unknown. I may be a man who always needs answers, but I know when to keep going, to go headfirst, and to find the what-if’s later.”

I pressed my lips together, trying not to cling to him like a monkey. It was so hard when he was around. “I bit you, my wolf marked you as mine, but once you are fully wolf and can shift, then you need to mark me.”

His eyes glowed, and I nearly fell. It was difficult for a wolf pre-shift to glow like that, and it told me of his dominance. I wondered exactly where he would be on the scale once we reached the Redwoods. I wasn’t sure, but I was eager to find out.

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