Page 35 of Inked Devotion

“We can never do that again.”

I met her gaze and let out a breath. “You’re right. We can’t. I’m going to go upstairs. Tell them I have a headache or something.”

“That’s going to make sense, considering my entire family probably already knows that you kissed me in the kitchen.”

“I don’t know what to do, Brenna. We can’t keep doing this, but frankly? I’m finding it hard not to.”

Her eyes widened, and I wanted to curse at myself again. Instead, I turned on my heel, and I walked away. I wanted to kiss her, and I shouldn’t. She had her own shit to deal with, and anything that I wanted from her right now would not fit into those plans. They weren’t going to fit into mine either. So I took the shit way out, and I went up to my room, closed the door, and I pretended that everything wasn’t fucked up.

I wanted to kiss Brenna. I wanted to do a lot more than kissing. But I was the last thing she needed.

I would have to ignore what I wanted. Sadly, I was learning to get good at that.

Chapter 9

Benjamin

Somehow, it was Monday morning, and I headed back to work. After leaving without more than a few words over a week prior, I needed to face my entire family. I had taken a vacation out of the blue, had gone on a road trip with a friend, and I hadn’t told anyone why or what had happened along the way. Not that I was going to explain to them what had happened at all. None of them needed to know what had happened. And, if I were honest with myself, I didn’t even know what had happened. The road trip back had gone smoother than the trip there. If you could call unending awkwardness smooth.

Brenna and I barely talked to one another. The driver picked the music or the audiobook, and the passenger spent their time on the phone or working. Each of us had portfolios to work on and paperwork to deal with. Neither one of us had wanted to deal with the reality of our situation. Not that I knew the reality of our situation, but there was no changing that.

Brenna had dropped me off at my house, gave me a look, and nodded tightly. We would see each other soon. We wouldn’t talk about what had happened. Ever. We wouldn’t tell anyone what happened. We would pretend that we hadn’t slept together. That we hadn’t fucked drunkenly on a hotel bed. We would pretend that I hadn’t kissed her again or seen her with her family and wanted to get to know her more. No, we wouldn’t be talking about any of that.

We would soon have to talk about why each of us had left town. Because one day soon, Brenna would choose her donor and get pregnant and become a new mother. The family would know that she wanted to be a mom, and they would find out how that had happened, how it had nothing to do with me since we wouldn’t be telling themeverythingthat happened on the trip.

I would tell my family my decision. Later today, I would tell Laura my decision. I knew things needed to get going, and I needed to start donating. That wasn’t a sentence I would typically think of on an ordinary day.

I wasn’t sure how all of this happened at once, but now I was walking into the office of Montgomery Builders and pretending that I wasn’t freaking out inside.

I used to be pretty good at this, and yet from the way that Paige narrowed her eyes at me, I had a feeling I was already breaking.

“You’re early,” my little sister said as she bounced over to me. She wrapped her arms around my waist.

I sighed, hugging her back. “Like ten minutes. There wasn’t traffic.”

I hadn’t slept the night before, so I had probably left a little early, but that wasn’t too unusual for me. It wasn’t like I needed sleep to do my job. I was only manual labor. Even the sarcastic thought that wasn’t at all true made me recoil.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. We missed you this weekend.”

“I’m sure you did.” She ignored the dryness in my tone.

She took a step back and beamed. “You do look well-rested.”

Well, I was good at lying about something then, because there was no way I looked well-rested. But one of us was lying, and perhaps both of us were at this point.

“It was a good trip. Brenna’s family was just as crazy as the Montgomerys.”

Paige rolled her eyes. “That’s what she said. I can’t believe you went to her family reunion.”

“I hadn’t planned on sticking around for the reunion part. I just needed a drive.” I shrugged.

I needed to tell my family why I had left. Wasn’t that going to be an awkward conversation. Maybe I would do it today and get it over with. I had already made my decision, and I would tell Laura this afternoon. If I got the reason why I had left off my chest, maybe they would think I was acting the way I was because of that, and not because I had slept with Brenna and screwed our entire friendship over in a single evening.

And perhaps it was more than a single evening, but I wasn’t going to think about that.

“You’re here,” Clay said as he walked into the essential area where Paige’s desk was located, two cups of coffee in his hands. “I didn’t know you’d be here today, so I didn’t get you coffee. Sorry.”

Paige bounced on her toes. “For me?” she asked as she held out her hands. “Give me, give me.”

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