Page 26 of Inked Devotion

“Good, I’m not the only one. Are you ready to go?”

I shook my head. “I need to put on makeup.”

“Then we can talk as you do that.”

“Benjamin…” I began, and he shook head. I let out a breath. “Okay.”

I added a little tinted moisturizer, some mascara, and maybe a little bronzer around the edges of my face to make it look like I had more than a few hours of sleep. Ugh, and concealer. Let’s not forget the concealer.

“You know you’re always so fucking beautiful. I sometimes forget that you wear makeup underneath all the flour and baking goods I usually see you in.”

I paused. “I don’t know how to take that.”

“You don’t have to take it at all. I’m letting you know I think you are beautiful.”

Everything felt weird, forced. And it was all on me. “Benjamin.”

“What, Brenna?” He let out a rough growl that did things to me I didn’t want to think about. “We slept together. Do you regret it?”

I looked at him then and winced.

He sighed and let out a breath. “You regret it.”

“I’m not sayingregretregret, but more of we really shouldn’t have done that. You know we shouldn’t have done that. We’re friends first.”

“And everybody thinks that you’re in love with my brother.”

“That too,” I growled. “They think I’m in love with Beckett, and now I’m doing my best to dissuade that, we all are. It’s just going to complicate things. We’re in the same circles. My friends are your friends. My friends are your family. Us sleeping together and having a one-night stand or whatever the hell this was will hurt everybody in the end.” I didn’t realize I was crying, my voice going high-pitched, until Benjamin leaned forward and wiped the tears from the cheeks.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered.

“It’s these stupid hormones.”

He raised a brow.

I waved him off. “I’m on hormones because I want to get pregnant.”

“I’m glad we remembered the fucking condom,” he muttered.

I swallowed hard. “You’re already donating sperm to one person. I’m glad we didn’t decide to make it both.” I closed my eyes and groaned. “I suck at this. I don’t know how to talk to humans anymore. I’m awkward as fuck. I’m weird. I’m not very social, and I get grumpy. I don’t even know why I thought I could be a mom. I’m going to be like the worst parent ever because I just suck at being a human being. And here I am hurting you because I don’t know how to be a human being. I’m sorry. Last night was great. Seriously. Best sex ever.”

He just kept looking at me, blinking, and I kept going, knowing I might as well keep digging the hole for me to bury myself in.

“Seriously best sex ever. I’m not a virgin, not like Archer used to think for so long,” I grumbled.

Benjamin snorted. “Didn’t think you were a virgin. And I hope to hell you weren’t, considering what we did last night.”

“Drunk sex for my first time really wouldn’t have been a good thing. No, I’m not a virgin. I’m not in love with your brother. Yes, you and I had sex, but we were safe, and oh my God, I can’t believe that I’m having this conversation. My hormones are making me lose my mind.”

Benjamin leaned forward, gripped my chin, and brushed his lips along mine. I sank into him, sighing before I pulled myself back quickly. “What the hell was that? That’s not helping things.”

“Made you shut up, didn’t it?” he asked, laughter in his eyes.

I pushed at him slightly before I started laughing, this time the tears freely flowing. “I’m losing my mind.”

“You’re adding extra hormones to your system, so of course you’re going to feel like you’re losing your mind.” He let out a breath. “Let’s think about this rationally.”

“I’m not rational. That’s the point.”

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