Mortified, I put my hands over my face and groaned. “Brenna.”
“No, I’m going to continue. Thank you for thinking so highly of yourself that the moment I say I want to speak to you and try to act as if we’re okay, you think I must be confessing my feelings for you. And thank you for making me feel like I’m an idiot.”
I let my hands fall and growled. “You aren’t, Brenna. I am.”
“Oh, look, for the first time in a very long time, we agree on something.”
“What?” I said, frowning.
“Beckett, when’s the last time you came over to my house?” I opened my mouth to say something, and she held up her hand. “And, no, not so I can lure you into a sweet seduction.”
I cringed. “Brenna.”
“Let me continue. When was the last time you came over? When was the last time you asked me to hang out with you? It’s been months. It’s always me coming to you lately. Hell, I’ve been spending more time with Lee and Benjamin than I have with you recently.”
“You have?” I asked, curious.
“Not because I love them either. Because I have friends. I’m also friends with Annabelle. It’s amazing that I can be a complex person and have more than one friendship.”
“That’s not what I meant, Brenna.”
“I know. Then again, I don’t really know what you mean these days. You’re my friend. I don’t love you like everyone thinks I do. Not that way. Thingsareweird.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, even though I knew why they were weird.
“You’ve been strange for a while now, and it feels like you’re keeping secrets from me.”
“It’s not that I’m keeping secrets…” I said, knowing I was lying.
She blinked at me and gave me a sad smile. “I used to be able to read you. I used to be able to know when you were lying to me. I don’t know now. Something happened. Something changed. And maybe it’s not my right to know. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m not trying to emotionally manipulate you or do anything crazy for you to tell me. Still, I want you to know that I’m here. I want you to know that I will always be here. I don’t like that you’re keeping something from me. And it’s hurting you. I can see that. So, it’s hurting me. You’re my best friend, Beckett. And yet, I don’t know who you are right now. And I hate it. You’re in pain, and you’re lying to me.” She sighed, looked down at her half-eaten waffle, and shook her head. She came to my side, kissed me on the cheek, and I felt the friendship there. And nothing else. Not what others thought. I was a damn idiot.
“I love you, Beckett. And maybe I’m being selfish for wanting to know what’s wrong, and that’s fine. I’m responsible for my feelings. When you’re ready, just know I’m here. Because I love you. We all do. Just like we love Eliza. I only wish you would stop lying to me.” And then she grabbed her bag and left, and I sat there in the kitchen, feeling like an asshole.
I didn’t know why I was hiding things from her. Hiding things from everyone. It didn’t make any sense. I couldn’t stop.
The moment I said it aloud, it would be real.
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything. So, I did nothing. Just let my best friend leave, knowing I needed to fix things.
Only I had no idea where to start.
Chapter 8
Eliza
Isigned off on the contract for my final commission and rubbed my temples. I still had a few other things I needed to do, but maybe I needed a break more. I hadn’t taken one since losing Marshall. I had been cognizant of that decision, telling myself that I needed to focus on work so I knew I had a path for my career and what I needed to sustain myself. It had been on that checklist for new widows, after all.
And I had relished the plans and organization so I didn’t have to think about making any choices beyond the major ones pushing at me. Only I hadn’t taken a break.
I needed to stop getting lost in my head and focus on what to do. Meaning I needed to figure out if this Madison truly existed, and if she was Marshall’s. And then, what would I do afterwards? What could I do? Would I give Marshall’s parents some money so they could do with it as they saw fit? Would I give it to Madison—this anonymous child that I had never met?
I wasn’t sure, but I needed to figure it out. Meaning, I needed answers. And I knew the people I needed to talk to because they would know what to do to help me—and how to look it up. I glanced down at my phone. The time had come. I went to my computer, opened my video conferencing app, and dialed in.
Six faces stared at me, hard lines, strong jaws, dark hair, and my eyes. My brothers looked at me from their respective places, some already in Texas for work, the others still on active duty around the world.
“Hey there, little sister,” Evan said, and I smiled.
My parents, for some reason, had decided to give us all names starting with E. I was Eliza, and then there was Eli, Evan, Everett and East—twins—then Elijah, and Elliot. I was the youngest of them all, and the fact that I had six older brothers meant that I hadn’t had a fun time of it in high school. There had been no real dating for me, no guys over to just hang out as friends. I had been one of the boys because of my brothers, but I’d also been on the sidelines.